Author Topic: Disney's REAL Haunted Haunted Mansion  (Read 2551 times)

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on: 12:41 AM, 08/13/16
(Author's note: I'm so sorry.)

When most people think of spooky shit related to Disney, they think of none other than the Haunted Mansion ride; either the elaborate castle-like structure in Magic Kingdom, or the house at Disneyland. Both being filled with specters of the animatronic variety, it comes as no surprise that there are plenty of tales and legends to go around concerning the real apparitions that may or may not live on their grounds. Maybe there is a little boy who is trapped in the ride by his ashes scattered around the tombstones. Maybe there are spirits that stick around the graves that bare their names. Hell, maybe there’s even something possessing the infamous Hatbox Ghost like some conspirators like to believe.
But I’m not talking about any of these.
No, I’m talking about a truly horrifying entity that the Mickey Mouse corporation has unleashed by their own hands. This isn’t some run of the mill, make-the-room-a-couple-degrees-cooler, knock-a-couple-photos-off-the-wall-to-be-an-asshole kind of ghost. I’m talking about some downright evil creatures that could suck out your soul in an instant. They could drag you down to Lucifer’s domain before you could piss your pants and cry for mama.
I’m talking about Disney’s REAL Haunted Mansion.
I found it hidden deep beneath the ride at Disney World. On a visit to the park I made my way to the ride on a not-so-busy day, and stepped through the queue line just like any other guest. I found myself mildly amused by the dark humour that the stretch room hat to offer, chuckling at the peril the portraits were seemingly in as their frames elongated with an eerie creak.
With the Ghost Host’s maniacal laughter, I was guided to the moving part of the ride. I seated myself on the Doom Buggy before me. I was prepared for a fun time of spooky antics but it was incredibly short lived. In the room based off that famous artist’s work, Pollock or whatever, the cart came to a sudden stop.
“Playful spooks have interrupted our tour, please remain seated in your Doombuggy. We will proceed in just a moment.”
A minute passed. Then two. Then ten. Then twenty. The audio warning looped seemingly endlessly, and I was getting bored to hearing the same ambience constantly.
Getting bored, I examined the surrounding darkness until I noticed a “CAST MEMBERS ONLY” door, and figured there was no real harm in exploring. Slipping out of my restraints, I made my way to the surprisingly unlocked door and entered. I was sure no one noticed, since like I said, it was a slow day. My eyes took some time to adjust to the bright lights, but once they did I examined the doors down the hall. I saw rooms like “PROP STORAGE”, “COSTUMES”, and “POWER ROOM”. However, one at the very end caught my attention: “BREAK ROOM”. It was the employee lounge, and I knew there’d be some interesting stuff in there. I cautiously made my way there and creaked the door open.
I was surprised to find it mostly dark, and entirely empty. There were plenty of necessities in here, like a coffee maker, couches, a television and even a DVD player. However, the TV was emitting a creepy noise and displayed static to its audience of no one. I stepped inside, the light of the pixel snow just enough to guide me to around the seats and to a coffee table. On it was a single DVD box, face down.
My hands trembled as I reached for it. A cold sweat broke out on my forehead and I swallowed hard, my adam’s apple bobbling slightly. I grimaced as my fingers gripped the case and held it in a shaky grasp. Very, very slowly, I turned it over and finally saw what it was.
A copy of The Haunted Mansion, the 2003 movie on DVD.
It was then that I heard a loud scream, and I looked up to see that Eddie Murphy’s face was on the TV now. He laughed evilly and bled from the eyes.
I ran out and didn’t look back, and I never went back to a Disney park again.


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on: 12:43 AM, 08/13/16
Thank you for this masterpiece
A decent amount of sarcasm