Trollpasta.com is now part of "The TooSpooky Network". What should we do with it? Post your thoughts here!

Black Rice [closed and posted to main forum]

  • 7 Replies
  • 497 Views

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Abysmii

    *
  • Victim
  • *
  • Posts: 35
  • Ia!
    • View Profile
    • Apeiropillar Productions
  • Favorite Pasta: The Chanting in the Woods
« on: 11:12:40 PM 02/07/17 »
What follows is a series of internal memos I kept over the course of about a week at my day job.  Technically, it’s a violation of my contract to store these anywhere other than on the office computers, so I’m changing the names and other small details to protect my co-workers.  Otherwise, the facts of the matter remain intact.

1/9/17 1:17 PM

I was heading to my car for lunch to watch youtube and eat in peace.  I don’t know if the rest of the office has caught on to this ritual of mine as they’ve never asked, but this time I was stopped at the back door.  My manager and a fellow co-worker had a worried but slightly bemused look on their face and yelled for me to not come any closer.  A little woozy from hunger, I complied and asked “Why?”  My manager told me to walk around the perimeter of the parking lot to get to my car instead of simply heading in a straight line.  The distance wasn’t too much, so I did just that.

   Curious, I walked up to her after circumnavigating the blacktop.  I inquired about the strange request she made of me, forgetting entirely about my hunger pangs.  My co-worker, Dana, pointed to a black sedan with a busted front bumper about 30 feet away.  At the edge of the parking spot it occupied, just within the lines, was about a bag’s worth of black rice dumped on the ground.  I hadn’t noticed it before as it camouflaged so well with the asphalt, but could clearly see it once pointed out.

   I looked at my manager, Brenda, with an eyebrow raised, saying nothing.  Brenda then regaled me with a story of how the contractors we had in this morning saw some guy dump the rice behind the black sedan.  Brenda had asked if it was to kill the veritable colony of crows residing outside our little office.  The contractor had denied this, stating that it was part of some voodoo ritual to curse the owner of the car.

   I stifled a laugh, and thankfully so, as Brenda and Dana looked serious about the contractor’s words.  I asked if we knew who owned the car and why I had to walk around the long way.  Dana spoke up and said we didn’t know who owned the car, but that walking over the rice on accident might trigger the curse.  I smiled and agreed halfheartedly, taking my lunch back inside to the break room instead of to my car.  I figured I’d just take a short lunch and skip out of work early.  Hearing superstitious chatter over youtube was not my idea of relaxation.

1/10/17 12:33 PM

This morning, half the office was abuzz with talk about the black rice curse.  Saanvi brought up a seemingly related anecdote concerning a picture frame that fell and shattered in her office.  She had arrived to work early before everyone else, when suddenly the frame fell from its perch with no discernible force behind it.  It mildly raised the suspicion of the others, but I turned back to my work and kept one ear on the chatter.

   People were throwing out Cambodian, South American, Indian, even Navajo rituals they had looked up on their phones.  No one knew what they were really talking about, but it fed into a half-serious rumor panic.  Chen, the assistant manager, said he hadn’t heard of such a curse before, but would look into it during her free time after work.  Everyone seemed satisfied with that and left the topic alone for the day.  Brenda took one last opportunity to remind everyone not to step over the rice outside.

   I’m not entirely sure how religious Saanvi, Chen, or anyone in the office for that matter, is.  I do know that I’m a skeptic and found the entire event had an interesting charm to it.  I used to study comparative religions and folklore, so I’ve decided to remain invested but distant should the situation develop more.

1/11/17 9:46 PM

   I’m supposed to be working, but no one else is at the moment, so I’ll break to jot this down quickly.

   Brenda and I found black rice at our respective work stations today.  On my desk in a small pile sat the onyx grains.  I scooped them up and put them in a cup to show to everyone.  After showing Chen and others, Brenda called all of us over to her office in an insistent tone bordering on harsh.  There in a larger pile than mine was black rice.  Square and center near the doorway, so that Brenda, or anyone else, would have to step over it.

   I had a smile on my face.  To me, this was a funny prank someone was playing around the office, independent of the discarded rice outside in the parking lot.  Brenda, however, was not laughing.  She asked everyone who had put the rice outside her door, starting with me.  I explained that it wasn’t me as I was targeted as well.  I told her I didn’t believe in any of this, but from my extensive knowledge of The X-Files I discerned that this random ricing was a harmless joke.

   Whoever placed the rice at our workstations didn’t come forward, furthering the fear in several of my co-workers.  Examples of bad luck and misfortune were spouted out, heads nodding in affirmation as the rumor mill all but caught fire.  I shrugged and went back to my seat to write this.  I’m personally done with whatever silly hysteria is going around right now and have a lot of work to finish.  I’m pretty sure Celeste is the prankster and I love her for it, but I’m signing off on this whole affair.

1/12/17 3:50 PM

   There was an altercation outside just around lunch.  A man and a woman were arguing near the black rice.  Animals refused to pick at the pile and the black sedan had not moved since the rice was placed down, leaving the pile mostly intact, and staining the ground beneath.

   They were yelling back and forth in what I assumed to be Mandarin, so I asked Chen if she could translate for us.  As half a dozen of us stood near a back office window, we silently listened as Chen slowly decipher the vulgarities being spewed outside.  She could only catch small portions of the sentences as the man and woman were yelling over each other.  Before long we learned that there had been some car accident and someone’s child had been killed.  Blame and curse words were being screamed at a rapid pace.  When the words turned into fists, I turned around to fetch my phone at my desk and call the police.

   The gunshot rang out before I could finish dialing 911.  Sharp gasps and muffled sobs were all that I heard.  The woman had shot the man in the stomach, leaving him to slowly die.  I’ve told the police what happened and am trying to compose myself as I finish this.  I’ve already answered the officer’s questions and most everyone else is gone.

1/16/17 10:01 AM

   The office was closed last Friday.  I think management figured enough people were just going to call out because of the previous day’s events.  Not much is getting done around here right now and no one is speaking to one another.  I’m not sure why I’m still typing this here instead of my personal computer at home.

   I guess I want this all to stay here, so the images don’t invade my home life any more than they already have.  I’m haunted by what happened, constantly thinking of how someone could have stopped it all.

   The most disturbing and sad thing I saw was the woman, kneeling and clutching her gun, sobbing deeply at what she had done.  I don’t think she meant to kill him or give him a slow death, she was just enraged and heartbroken over her loss, looking for a justification or closure.  The police took her away without any resistance, pity painted across their faces.  The paramedics were too late on the scene, resulting in the man bleeding out, his head resting in the black rice.

   I still have that cup of black rice on my desk.  I don’t know why I keep it there.
« Last Edit: 12:22:20 AM 02/13/17 by Abysmii »

Skill Flea

    *
  • Content Manager
  • ***
  • I'm a parasite with skills to kill.
  • Posts: 316
  • Mind if I take a bite?
    • View Profile
    • Skill Flea Circus
  • Favorite Pasta: funnymouth
« Reply #1 on: 11:36:12 PM 02/07/17 »
I'll start off with a nitpick, cause I like this story but want to get this out of the way. Why did the co-worker and the boss from the first memo have given the code names 'Dana and Brenda'? This stood out to me because, from the way its written, the other workers from the later memos have their real names; Chen and Saanvi. Is Chen and Saanvi also given fake names? If they are their real names, then why not use Dana and Brenda's real name too? Also, this was a internal memo, so why give out fake names at all? Especially if every character is only given a first name? 

EDIT: Nice job fixing this, it was a very simple nitpick and didn't ruin the story at all.

The positive is that it is written very well. I like the set up, the office setting is perfect for an ashcan story, and the characters' actions are all very believable. The climax is very sad and little shocking, though I'm not sure if I would personally dub it scary/disturbing. Overall, it was a very good read that many ashcan readers will enjoy.
« Last Edit: 11:43:42 PM 02/07/17 by Skill Flea »
Do you enjoy a glass of red or white blood cells?

Creepypasta/Entertainment Show: Skill Flea Circus

Abysmii

    *
  • Victim
  • *
  • Posts: 35
  • Ia!
    • View Profile
    • Apeiropillar Productions
  • Favorite Pasta: The Chanting in the Woods
« Reply #2 on: 11:42:45 PM 02/07/17 »
You were absolutely correct, fixed it and didn't even know why I did that.

lavecki

    *
  • Overseer
  • ***
  • Posts: 171
    • View Profile
  • Favorite Pasta: A Few Suggestions
« Reply #3 on: 06:18:36 AM 02/08/17 »
Great story, I, like skill, only have a nitpick to throw at it. Little bit of needless front loading in the second to last paragraph, "the most disturbing and sad thing I saw" and the repetition of black rice at the end it kind of weird but I'm not sure how you could rewrite it to remove that.

Very realistic, like the ash can of it all.

Abysmii

    *
  • Victim
  • *
  • Posts: 35
  • Ia!
    • View Profile
    • Apeiropillar Productions
  • Favorite Pasta: The Chanting in the Woods
« Reply #4 on: 04:49:45 PM 02/08/17 »
I think you are correct about the front loading, I think I can take a descriptor or two out.

Thanks dude.

DoomVroom

    *
  • Victim
  • *
  • Posts: 12
  • Madness is in the eye of the beholder.
    • View Profile
  • Favorite Pasta: Aesthetically Pleasing
« Reply #5 on: 05:51:13 PM 02/08/17 »
There is a potential minor grammar error that I wanted to point out to you: "I’ve told the police what happened and am trying not compose myself as I finish this."

Should that be: "I’ve told the police what happened and am trying to compose myself as I finish this."?

I like the element of mystery that the pasta presents. In the end, we still don't know if the black rice is causing things to happen or if it is all a coincidence. I was trying to figure out who might be dumping the black rice everywhere by process of elimination, but then I came to the conclusion that might be impossible to figure out that way. What if the person that is dumping the black rice dumped white rice that they had painted black on their own workstation? Would that work as a loophole or would they still be subject to the potential curse? Stories that make one think/ask questions like that and leave an air of mystery are always exciting/great.

"Who was black rice?"

Good job, Abysmii! 

Abysmii

    *
  • Victim
  • *
  • Posts: 35
  • Ia!
    • View Profile
    • Apeiropillar Productions
  • Favorite Pasta: The Chanting in the Woods
« Reply #6 on: 12:01:15 AM 02/09/17 »
Thanks Doom, I am going to fix that typo.

I'm happy with how you approached and experienced the mystery.

Secoura

    *
  • Victim
  • *
  • Posts: 8
    • View Profile
« Reply #7 on: 05:05:57 PM 02/12/17 »
I really enjoyed this and how it portrays the superstitious nature of people.  Was there really some curse with the black rice, or would the events attributed to it have happened even without the presence of the rice?  We'll never know, and that is what makes it unnerving.