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The Tale of a Dreamer

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Letrune

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« on: 12:53:15 PM 09/02/17 »
(This is a rough draft I did in one sitting. I will post the newer ones below this one, maybe keeping them in this same post. I just wish to hear what you think, or if it fits.)

Once, a Dreamer visited a town. The people welcomed her, as their town was not big or rich enough for their own arts, and it was rare to find someone who was willing to work for a small room and some meals.
Each day, she had gathered around the people who wished the Dream, and woven them what they wished for. A small forest walk, a nice time, a tale of love. She woven the dreams to make people happy, so they could wake up with a smile, making the town a happier and kinder place.

Soon, more joined, and she Dreamt for them all. She heard their wishes and made a banquet. It was a small one, realistic as they wished, and soon, they wished more, so she Dreamt them more. The banquet grew, it became bigger, more lavish, with better food, nicer dresses and more people, until the town, all who could sleep then, joined the Dream in the lavish hall of marble and gold, where the trays were always full and everyone was beautiful, as they wished to see themselves and had the love of their loves, the same one multiple times if they wanted. They enjoyed themselves, but the Dreamer grew tired of always Dreaming the same thing.
She made the next Dream to be a journey in a grand forest, to see the rays of light between the gigantic trees and listen to the birds sing. Many enjoyed, but some wished to be in the banquet again. With some slight protest, she made the banquet hall again and let them enjoy themselves, sitting at a corner.
After a week, she grew tired. She did not Dreamt the banquet for them again, instead made them a new place to enjoy their food, drinks and dances. She made them a different style, but a few protested loudly, demanding the banquet hall back. They demanded her to give them more and more, to be new but the same they want. She tried but they made her more and more tired, until one day she refused to Dream with them.

The people broke down the door and threw her before a judge. People were angry of her, even if they had no problem with her - they only knew that the angry people were louder than them. The judge, as kind as he was, had no way but to punish the Dreamer, giving her a few days to get herself together.
She had collected all who wished to dream of the banquet again, and then let them have their banquet. She kept Dreaming, until the people felt the rising sun and woke up, with the feeling that she had given them what they wished, only to find themselves in a town without anyone. Whenever two dreaming townspeople were about to met, they only saw a tired, broken person.
Then they woke up for real. The people whom demanded their banquet found out that the others, whom was fine with the Dream anyway had a good sleep, while they had barely any. They felt they got cheated from their sleep.

The banquet came again, but for even less people - the ones whom demanded it the loudest. It ended in a few minutes, only to find out they had to leave soon. They left and found themselves lost in the parking lot. They had the Dream all night about how everyone tried to find their own car.
A very small portion of the town were tired and angry, even jealous on how some had the lovely Dreams. The people who could have a good dream spoke of taking flight without wings and machines. They told of the grand exploration they had. They told on how exotic, how amazing their time was...

The loud people were angry and found the Dreamer at her home. They broke some furniture and threatened her to deliver them their good dreams, or else. She woven them the Dream they wanted - a banquet that did not ended. It just kept on going until they had to wake up.
The angry people took the Dreamer to the judge again, who had better dreams than the few. There were no crowd now, but they all heard it on the social networks, and saw that the people there were threatening the Dreamer and even spit on her. They wished to help the Dreamer, but they had no time as their day was busy.

Then, the Dreamer left. Everyone but the angriest people had a good dream. They don't know what Dream she woven specifically for the angry people, but they were scared and angrier than before. They demanded their good dreams, but found out they can not have any.
« Last Edit: 12:55:57 PM 09/02/17 by Letrune »

urkelbot666

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« Reply #1 on: 09:59:46 AM 09/07/17 »
I hope you don't find me too presumptuous, but I had heard that English was not your native language, so I made an attempt to read through your story and make some changes to some of the wordings throughout. I also attempted to clarify a few parts. Again, I hope you are not offended that I have altered some things, I tried to do so in a very minor way.

As for a critique, I thought the story was okay. It's a simple premise that seems to work pretty well as it was presented. It reminds me of a short fable or fairy tale that one might hear about. If I were writing such a story, I would probably add a lot more detail, but the fact that this reads like an old fable sort of makes it work with the broad terminology.

On a side note, the theme of the story really reminds me of what it's like doing commissioned artwork for people x3

Once, a Dreamer visited a town. The people welcomed her, as their town was not big or rich enough for their own arts, and it was rare to find someone who was willing to work for a small room and some meals.
Each day, she gathered around all the people who wished to Dream, and would weave them what they wished for. A small forest walk, a nice time, a tale of love. She wove the dreams to make people happy, so they could wake up with a smile, making the town a happier and kinder place.

Soon, more joined, and she Dreamt for them all. She heard their wishes and made a banquet. It was a small one, realistic as they wished, and soon, they wished more, so she Dreamt them more. The banquet grew, it became bigger, more lavish, with better food, nicer dresses and more people, until the town, all who could sleep then, joined the Dream. It was a lavish hall of marble and gold, where the trays were always full and everyone was beautiful, just as they wished to see themselves. Each had the love of whomever they desired, the same one multiple times if they wanted. They enjoyed themselves, but the Dreamer grew tired of always Dreaming the same thing.
She made the next Dream to be a journey in a grand forest, to see the rays of light between the gigantic trees and listen to the birds sing. Many enjoyed, but some wished to be in the banquet again. With some slight protest, she made the banquet hall again and let them enjoy themselves, sitting at a corner.
After a week, she grew tired. She did not Dream the banquet for them again, instead made them a new place to enjoy their food, drinks and dances. She wove them a dream of a  different style, but a few protested loudly, demanding the banquet hall back. They demanded her to give them more and more, to be new, bigger, more exciting, but always the same Dream. She tried but they made her more and more tired, until one day she refused to Dream with them.

The people broke down the door and threw her before a judge. People were angry with The Dreamer, even if they had no personal problem with her - they only knew that the angry people surrounding them were louder than they were. The judge, as kind as he was, had no recourse but to punish the Dreamer, giving her a few days to get herself together.
Eventually she had collected all who wished to Dream of the banquet again, and then let them have it. She kept Dreaming, until the people felt the rising sun and woke up with the feeling that she had given them what they wished, only to find themselves in a deserted town. Whenever two dreaming townspeople met, they only saw a tired, broken person before them.
Then they woke from the larger Dream, returning to reality. The people who demanded their banquet found out that the others, those content with the Dreams had quiet, peaceful sleep, while they had barely any. They felt they got cheated from their sleep.

The banquet came again, but for even less people - the ones who demanded it the loudest. It ended in a few minutes, and the attendees found that they had to leave soon. They left and found themselves lost in the parking lot. They had the Dream all night about how everyone tried to find their own car.
A very small portion of the town were tired and angry, even jealous of how some had had restful sleep, and lovely Dreams. The people who could have good dreams spoke of taking flight without wings or machines. They told of the grand exploration they had. They told about how exotic, how amazing their time was...

The loud people were angry and found the Dreamer at her home. They broke some furniture and threatened her to deliver them their good dreams, or else. She wove them the Dream they wanted - a banquet without end. It just kept on going until they had to wake up.
The angry people took the Dreamer to the judge again, who had better dreams than the few. There were no crowds now, but many heard about it on the social networks, and saw that the people there were threatening the Dreamer, shouting and some even spitting on her. They wished to help the Dreamer, but they had no time as their days were all so busy.

Then, the Dreamer left. Everyone but the angriest people had a good Dream. No one knew what Dream she had woven specifically for the angry people, but they were scared and much angrier than before. They demanded their good dreams, but found out they can no longer have any.
channel/UC0e5jEDP935NBJAyUxZ_zog
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Letrune

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« Reply #2 on: 03:50:26 AM 09/08/17 »
Thank you for the lectored version. Can I pin it somehow to be the top?

And, well... you are not wrong on the concept. The stuff Bethomet shown was the final draw on this idea i had for a while. Is it a bit in the nose? Should I word the idea elsehow?

urkelbot666

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« Reply #3 on: 09:06:18 AM 09/08/17 »
I'm not sure about pinning it or anything like that. You could probably edit the original post and paste the newer version there, and maybe indicate that it's been edited?
I don't personally think that you need to alter anything about how you present the story. It's not necessarily bad that it might be easy for someone to get. Things don;t always have to be vague and mysterious, and I think the theme of the story touches on a sense of under appreciation that most everyone has felt before, so it's probably going to be relatable to readers on some level
channel/UC0e5jEDP935NBJAyUxZ_zog
Discord: Dan(Urkel) #2760