Love/Lust/Addiction/Obsession

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Maxz92

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« on: 03:19:13 PM 04/15/18 »
   I was hers now.  I had tried my best to remain a bachelor.  I had no interest in settling down and becoming someone’s consistent lover.  I was a free man, but now, I was hers.  I don’t think she knew exactly how much control she held over me.  Each word she uttered was a spell that had kept me entranced for months…  No, for years now.  I’ve forgotten how long it has been.  I am hers now.  Every day I wake up with her, get out of bed for her, go to work for her, make money for her, come home for her, eat dinner with her, and go to bed with her.  It is all for her.  I’m not my own person anymore.
   I used to be.  I can remember being wild and free all those years ago.  Doing what I wanted, when I wanted, how I wanted, and with whomever I wanted.  Jackie Phillips was a good time.  A good couple times actually.  I tried not to stay around with one person.  Wouldn’t want them to get attached.  I never thought I would be the one to fall.  Then there she was one night.  Absolutely phenomenal.  The type you can’t pass up.  Hair kind of messy, legs for days and days, so much deliciousness in one body.  But then I talked to her and there was so much more to her than that.  She had been the one to ensnare me.  None of the uncountable women in the past, she did.
   We go out together.  Do that simple, boyfriend/girlfriend stuff.  I hold her bags in the mall, hold her hand when we walk together, laugh at the jokes she tells, everything a good boyfriend does.  She likes to sit next to me and lay her head on my shoulder when we’re out in public.  I always wrap my arm around her waist and kiss her cheek.  It hurts.  It hurts me to be like this.  In… love.  The word feels like a poison.  Something I’ve always thought of alongside addiction and obsession.  Now I get why.  That’s exactly what it is to me.  I’ve always felt a lust, but that was manageable.  I could contain and control that.  This feeling.  This one is bigger than me.  This… love.  It’s taken its toll on me.
   But I can’t just leave her.  She’d hurt.  At least she doesn’t hurt now.  I know she did before.  She used to.  But now I am hers.  I was hers then and I am now.  I can’t think straight anymore.  The times that I spend without her hurt more.  I always feel sick when I’m alone.  I don’t even think I could live without her if I wanted to now.  She is my happiness.  I can’t take this anymore.  I kind of want to die, but I’m afraid of how much it would hurt her.
   So, I sit there and let her love me and love her back and hurt.  I burn inside.  It’s almost funny.  Almost like a joke, isn’t it?  I don’t know what to do anymore.
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