Flemming Storage Unit 21: Decay Deco

  • 5 Replies
  • 419 Views

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Zathoth

    *
  • Overseer
  • ***
  • Posts: 147
  • I have a special plan for this world
    • View Profile
« on: 02:08:21 AM 11/27/17 »
"Just go over there, check the storage unit and bring back anything we want, you can let the police sell anything else."
"Mother, with all due respect, you haven't talked to me in two years and the first thing you want me to do is drive for five fucking hours and clean out your weird brothers fucking storage unit?"
"Elliot... please, I'll pay you."

And that's how I ended up in bumfuck nowhere, Havre, Montana, cleaning out my weird uncles storage unit.
I parked my car next to the Flemming Storage unit, the police was busy running around, looking for clues or whatever the hell police do. I walked around lost for a couple minutes until I found number 21. I opened the storage door and peeked inside.
Richard Thurston Blackman was an artist. I was not surprised to find the storage unit full of his weird art. Shelves lined with weird knick knacks, strange sculptures, boxes most likely full of paintings
I hate to admit this, as the guy was always 'the creepy uncle', but some of it is really good.
I remember from my childhood when he showed me fairies, tiny little humanoid insects set up like a butterfly collection. It's one of the few good memories I have of him. He's drunk and rambling about conspiracies, about aliens in the government and god being evil in most of my memories.
I opened a box to look at the paintings inside. He, despite the fact that he was crazy, was a realist painter. Even the most alien landscapes and bizarre monsters were painted in the most painstakenly detailed way possible. The painting on the top was of four Frogmen picking at the body of an old, dead man. Two of the frogmen are squatting over the dead man, who from the remenants of his attire and weatherbitten face looks like a fisherman. His torso has burst open and the gore is painted with heavy attention to detail. One of the frogmen in the backround are looking out over the dark sea and grey skies, while the remaining one is looking at the viewer with what looks like confusion.
They are all like this, really. The next one is the inside of an abandoned church. On the altar stands a Jesus statue with his arms outstretched. Someone has painted his face white, lips red, given him a ridculous red afro and finished it up by giving him a clown nose. The rest of the painting is just of an abandoned church, the window panes are empty, the floor is covered in leaves. Still clown Jesus smiles.
The next one is a realistic painting of a man going through surgery seen from above. His stomach is cut open and you can see his guts are visible.
Even his fruit paintings are of rotting fruit covered in maggots and flies.
I knew they were coming up, but my heart sank as I got past the paintings of rotten fruit and to what I know he considered his magnum opus: 49 paintings detailing the process of decay.
They are all of a young woman, late teens, maybe early 20s lying naked and dead on her stomach in the forest. The cause of death is impossible to see from the angle the first painting is made, but blood can be seen seeping out from her mouth. The rest of the paintings follow the process of decay, the final painting being nothing more than a pile of bones.
Describing them really can't do them justice, they always make me sick and dizzy.
I leaned myself against the wall to catch my breath.
What would I do with all this art? Bring it back to my mother? What would she do with it? I doubt she would even put it up, she always told me she never liked his art much, she'd probably just stuff it all in the basement.
Option number 2 was to run away with it and either keep or sell it. Selling it was tempting, it was high quality art and if I got lucky and found 'a connoiseur of the macabre" I might even be able to pay off my student loans.
It took me roughly two seconds to decide that the possibility of paying off my student loans was better than reconnecting with my mother.
Because fuck my mother.
Seriously.
Stealing her brothers art and selling it would be a start for punishment of how many times she fucked me over.
I went back to looking through the storage unit and found a photo album on one of the shelves. Flipping through it I found an odd mix of photos, there were family photos of happy, smiling families, not his own of course, we were too dysfunctional to even pretend to be happy. One girl showed up a lot, she looked familiar, somehow. Among these were photos of forests, ran down urban landscapes, abandoned buildings, graveyards and so on.
Thirdly of course there were weird art photos.
I put the photo album aside and reach for the next thing, it turned out to be a uncle style pin-up calender. The year on it was 3034 and it had nine months while each week seemed to have six days, the names of the months or days I did not recognize.
The first month (Srafas) had a cute little pale redheaded girl posing naked with her arms behind her head, her head turned to the side. She was caked in mud, her wet hair decorated with flowers while insects crawled over her body. Her face was obscured by a giant spider.
Second month (Bellaling) had a girl with short, dark hair lying in a suggestive pose on a slaughterhouse floor, blood could be seen on the ground and meathooks in the backround. She had wrapped herself in somekind of entrails and was looking at the camera, lips pursed in a teasing expression.
Lansing was a beach photo, a great white shark was lying dead on the beach and a woman with, long, curly blonde hair covered in scars was laying on her back in it's mouth. She stuck her tounge out while looking at the camera, her head resting on her only arm, the other one a stump.
Narhiil had a naked statue-esque woman covered in paint posing on an empty street, the buildings were on fire and she was wearing a gasmask.
Madoshin had a girl on her knees, looking up at the camera, her left eyesocket an empty hole, she is gagged with a piece of cloth and her arms tied behind her back.
Novoras, a tall woman sitting on a freshly exhumed grave, the previous occupant, wrinkled and decayed is draped around her in a mockery of romance.
Turanac was pale and raven-haired sitting in a meditative pose in the snow, her wrists slit, coloring the snow red.
The month of Yusek was curvacious, sitting with her legs crossed in a couch, every inch of her pinned with needles.
Sadroc, the final one, she was lying down on a medical table, the skin of her torso opened and her muscles on full display.
I decided that this was enough, I didn't want to see more of my uncles degenerate fucking art, I would just clean this out and be done with it. It ended up taking me most of the day and the sun was going down by the time I was done carrying everything to my car.
The last thing I found was a sack of cloth, it was surprisingly clean. It made a clacking sound as I picked it up.
In it, of course, was bones, the skull was easily identfied as human.
I laughed. I laughed as I closed the door to the storage unit, I laughed as  drove to my mothers house and dumped it all on her driveway, I laughed because it's all a fucking joke.

Maxz92

    *
  • Victim
  • *
  • Posts: 22
  • Just a guy who does stuff sometimes.
    • View Profile
  • Favorite Pasta: Penpal
« Reply #1 on: 02:25:53 AM 11/27/17 »
So, not great at any sort of criticism, but I'm gonna give this a shot.
I like the imagery.  All the descriptions are really cool, however, I feel like there needs to be more to the whole thing.
Maybe that's just from how I write and I couldn't tell you what exactly that more is, but that's how I feel about it.
What even is a forum signature anyway?

Rika84

    *
  • Proxy
  • **
  • Posts: 90
  • Spread the word.
    • View Profile
« Reply #2 on: 06:42:58 AM 11/27/17 »
Would the police have checked in the sack of bones on their initial search?

I enjoyed all of the art descriptions. A few of the calendar pieces gave me the shivers.

What size are most of the paintings? There's a LOT of them there. Did Elliot bring a trailer or something to haul them in?

"Stealing her brothers art and selling it would be a start for punishment of how many times she fucked me over."
This line reads kinda weird. I get what it's saying. Just needs some tweaks.

I like how this is sort of a vignette. I'm not sure right now what more context it needs. (Sorry. It's early. XD) But yeah. Nice story to wake up to.

urkelbot666

    *
  • Proxy
  • **
  • Posts: 73
  • Discord: Dan(Urkel) #2760
    • View Profile
    • Web Pulps Pasta Readings
  • Favorite Pasta: Godzilla NES, Conplus
« Reply #3 on: 09:19:27 AM 11/27/17 »
I like the imagery in this story, the descriptions were good and I was able to visualize everything very vividly. Though other than that, I felt a little let down by the piece overall.

What is here is mostly a list of descriptions of things and not much in the way of narrative or character. It sort of reads like "I went to this place for some reason and then I found this weird thing, then this weird thing, and then there was this other weird, gross thing, and this one this was really gross and weird... and then a bag of bones."

I feel like there are some missed opportunities here, like you mention the calendar with the strange year and date format, but then immediately go to describing more weird pictures. I was interested to know more about the calendar itself. Did it seem old? Were there notes or events written on any of the dates? Did it seem homemade? Maybe these are frivolous details, but I found myself wondering about them.

I imagine what the story builds to is the notion that the bag of bones implies that Uncle painted his decaying woman from real life, and these are the girl's bones. I think maybe we're supposed to infer that if he did that painting from real life, then maybe these others are from real life as well, implying some bizarre circumstances. I'm not sure if that's correct, but if so I feel like maybe that point needs to be hit a tiny bit harder so that people don't just read this as a bunch of weird stuff then a bag of bones that might belong to the girl in the painting.

Anyway, I'm rambling now. I did enjoy reading the story, I just feel like it lacks in certain areas. I'm also aware that there is probably some subtext I'm missing at the moment. There are some issues with typos and stuff as well, but nothing too distracting. Glad to have read this one :)
channel/UC0e5jEDP935NBJAyUxZ_zog
Discord: Dan(Urkel) #2760

TataSantec

    *
  • Victim
  • *
  • Posts: 48
  • Olhos de ressaca? Vá, de ressaca.
    • View Profile
  • Favorite Pasta: Penpal
« Reply #4 on: 10:38:57 AM 11/27/17 »
I really liked this description: "Even the most alien landscapes and bizarre monsters were painted in the most painstakenly detailed way possible. The painting on the top was of four Frogmen picking at the body of an old, dead man. Two of the frogmen are squatting over the dead man, who from the remenants of his attire and weatherbitten face looks like a fisherman. His torso has burst open and the gore is painted with heavy attention to detail. One of the frogmen in the backround are looking out over the dark sea and grey skies, while the remaining one is looking at the viewer with what looks like confusion."

I would love to read the description of the decaying process, I feel it would be a nice gore addition, maybe in the place of the smiling jesus that I don't see how it fits in the story. In my opinion the jesus painting could be deleted and in its place put the details of the decaying process paintings, it sounded really interesting to me.

- Selling it was tempting, it was high quality art and if I got lucky and found 'a connoiseur of the macabre" I might even be able to pay off my student loans. -- just the "" that needs to be corrected there.

I also REALLY liked the calender.

Just the ending that I didn't quite enjoy, felt unfinished to me. It was going so well, but than it just ended. Give us some more of the story, maybe something that happens outside the unit, I don't know

But it is really nice so far, I really liked where this is going

TataSantec

    *
  • Victim
  • *
  • Posts: 48
  • Olhos de ressaca? Vá, de ressaca.
    • View Profile
  • Favorite Pasta: Penpal
« Reply #5 on: 10:42:35 AM 11/27/17 »
I imagine what the story builds to is the notion that the bag of bones implies that Uncle painted his decaying woman from real life, and these are the girl's bones. I think maybe we're supposed to infer that if he did that painting from real life, then maybe these others are from real life as well, implying some bizarre circumstances. I'm not sure if that's correct, but if so I feel like maybe that point needs to be hit a tiny bit harder so that people don't just read this as a bunch of weird stuff then a bag of bones that might belong to the girl in the painting.

Now it makes much more sense! I was left wondering about the bones too, and now that you've mentioned it, it makes sense to be the bones of the girl in the decaying process paintings, that's a real cool way to end the story if it was just a little more detailed, or a little more "obvious". But I guess the police would have found the bones when they first opened and checked all the units, wouldn't they?