Author Topic: Specific Concerns  (Read 1458 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Bosencaine

  • Proxy
  • Status:
    Offline
    Posts:
    67
  • There you have it, folks.
    • View Profile
    • My Goodreads
  • Favorite Pasta: The Lights In The House Below
on: 12:31 AM, 11/20/17
Is this a bad idea?

I figure with the deadline looming and so many first drafts being rolled out, maybe people could draw attention to the particular questions about their work so far. Not, like 'read it and tell me what you think' sort of issues, more like 'is this the best voice?', or 'do I waste too much time doing X?' sort of stuff.

Here's a door...it's open...post a question and a link to your draft. I, at least, will try to give feedback where I can (not as though I'm any sort of authority on the matter), and I encourage everyone else to follow suit.

As the man says: "Let's make something together."
Nightmares can be such flimsy things with such voracious appetites. Turn them away once and they can starve.



mikemacdee

  • Guest
on: 02:01 AM, 11/20/17
This is a good idea. It's good for people to take the time to read each story and talk about the problem areas (which will likely call attention to themselves if the critics are specific enough), but I think we sometimes can "feel" when something may not be quite right with our work.

For example, you had mentioned that Leaping Lizards doesn't revolve around the storage unit as much as the other stories thus far, and that it might come off as not being in the spirit of the project, but I'm not sure if that's really the case - that we're expected to write something that revolves around the storage unit rather than the person who has access to it. I got the impression that the latter is supposed to be the real focus. So sometimes I wonder if I really am violating some aspect of the project I didn't get, or if some people take the requirements more literally than others. For the sake of variety, I think it'd be nice to have some stories that revolve around the units themselves, and others that only use them as catalysts for the central plot. Does that make sense, or did I really miss something?



Bosencaine

  • Proxy
  • Status:
    Offline
    Posts:
    67
  • There you have it, folks.
    • View Profile
    • My Goodreads
  • Favorite Pasta: The Lights In The House Below
on: 02:20 AM, 11/20/17
This is a good idea. It's good for people to take the time to read each story and talk about the problem areas (which will likely call attention to themselves if the critics are specific enough), but I think we sometimes can "feel" when something may not be quite right with our work.

For example, you had mentioned that Leaping Lizards doesn't revolve around the storage unit as much as the other stories thus far, and that it might come off as not being in the spirit of the project, but I'm not sure if that's really the case - that we're expected to write something that revolves around the storage unit rather than the person who has access to it. I got the impression that the latter is supposed to be the real focus. So sometimes I wonder if I really am violating some aspect of the project I didn't get, or if some people take the requirements more literally than others. For the sake of variety, I think it'd be nice to have some stories that revolve around the units themselves, and others that only use them as catalysts for the central plot. Does that make sense, or did I really miss something?

You absolutely make sense.
That's a really good point. Having these sort of 'scouting mission' stories which wander off into the wilds to make the setting at large a greater focus is, to me at least, a very ambitious and worthwhile thrust.
I get what you mean. I think I do, anyway. Sort of like the 'monster of the week' episodes of X-Files as opposed to the mythos episodes ('90s kids remember). It's not immediately relevant, but it suggests a larger, somewhat less personal attachment and thereby suggests that the whole world is just as crazy as what you're usually exposed to.
You make a very good point.

As far as yours goes, all I meant was that you could hit it just a *little* bit harder at the beginning and end. Just root it in that home base so I know where you're coming from. Having seen a lot of others--not that everyone needs to be like everyone else, not by any means--it felt like your narrator was an outsider...like he was the mercenary who had infiltrated the ranks of a regiment.
I'm sorry if I didn't make that terribly clear. All I meant was that it struck me as being somewhat...alien. Just a couple extra sentences to ground it in the series might have cleared it up for me.
Nightmares can be such flimsy things with such voracious appetites. Turn them away once and they can starve.



mikemacdee

  • Guest
on: 03:09 AM, 11/20/17
I think I get what you mean now. I'll give it one more look and then I think I'll be ready to submit.

(Damn thing is already .5 pages longer than the limit after the last bout of polishing I did...)



Bosencaine

  • Proxy
  • Status:
    Offline
    Posts:
    67
  • There you have it, folks.
    • View Profile
    • My Goodreads
  • Favorite Pasta: The Lights In The House Below
on: 10:31 PM, 11/20/17
I feel like mine is running a little long as well. I do generally like what I have so far (as much as I can ever like my own writing), but the problem I'm hitting is that most of what I might take out for page-count reasons would sort of undercut the callbacks I make later.
I think I shot myself in the foot with all the dialogue...it does tend to add a bit of length with all that empty space on the page.

I'm tearing my hair out with this. Anyone feel like taking a look for me? I'd be ever so grateful.

http://toospooky.com/fleming-storage-units-wips/fleming-storage-unit-35-salient-specimens-(wip)/msg2679/#msg2679
Nightmares can be such flimsy things with such voracious appetites. Turn them away once and they can starve.



mikemacdee

  • Guest
on: 04:12 AM, 11/21/17
I think it just needs to be tightened up a bit. The narrator's manner of speaking is a little bit longwinded, and some sentences can be shortened, while others can be combined. Just as an example:

Quote
"Keep what you want," I muttered, heaving a sigh into the darkness of unit 35 and instantly regretting it. There was a tang in the air. It pricked at the back of my throat and dried my nostrils. I'd worked enough shitty, part-time construction jobs to know the smell. Mothballs, antiquity, wet rot. The smell of the forgotten, or of the carefully ignored. I cringed as I stepped inside.

Tightened up:

Quote
"Keep what you want," I muttered.

I'd worked enough shitty, part-time construction jobs to know the smell in Unit #35. Mothballs, antiquity, wet rot. The smell of the forgotten. I cringed as I stepped inside.

Just go through from start to finish, figure out what is absolutely necessary to keep, and chuck the rest. The narrator's got a strong enough voice to do the work with few words.



TataSantec

  • Victim
  • Status:
    Offline
    Posts:
    48
  • Olhos de ressaca? Vá, de ressaca.
    • View Profile
  • Favorite Pasta: Penpal
on: 04:37 AM, 11/21/17
I feel like mine is running a little long as well. I do generally like what I have so far (as much as I can ever like my own writing), but the problem I'm hitting is that most of what I might take out for page-count reasons would sort of undercut the callbacks I make later.
I think I shot myself in the foot with all the dialogue...it does tend to add a bit of length with all that empty space on the page.

I'm tearing my hair out with this. Anyone feel like taking a look for me? I'd be ever so grateful.

http://toospooky.com/fleming-storage-units-wips/fleming-storage-unit-35-salient-specimens-(wip)/msg2679/#msg2679

I believe DP said something about the length, and about dialogues being kinda “authorized” to make a longer story, since they add length by their format, but when you actually read it, they add a “normal” length.. And if you choose to add them, just make sure if matches the length of other stories when you read it, I don’t know if I’m being clear or not, he explains it better in the video



TataSantec

  • Victim
  • Status:
    Offline
    Posts:
    48
  • Olhos de ressaca? Vá, de ressaca.
    • View Profile
  • Favorite Pasta: Penpal
on: 04:40 AM, 11/21/17
This is a good idea. It's good for people to take the time to read each story and talk about the problem areas (which will likely call attention to themselves if the critics are specific enough), but I think we sometimes can "feel" when something may not be quite right with our work.

For example, you had mentioned that Leaping Lizards doesn't revolve around the storage unit as much as the other stories thus far, and that it might come off as not being in the spirit of the project, but I'm not sure if that's really the case - that we're expected to write something that revolves around the storage unit rather than the person who has access to it. I got the impression that the latter is supposed to be the real focus. So sometimes I wonder if I really am violating some aspect of the project I didn't get, or if some people take the requirements more literally than others. For the sake of variety, I think it'd be nice to have some stories that revolve around the units themselves, and others that only use them as catalysts for the central plot. Does that make sense, or did I really miss something?

Yeah, I know what you mean, my story doesn’t revolve much around the storage either, but I guess if we justify it, is good to change a little bit... I mean, more than a 100 people are talking about the same place, it can become “boring” if everyone does the same kind of story right?



Bosencaine

  • Proxy
  • Status:
    Offline
    Posts:
    67
  • There you have it, folks.
    • View Profile
    • My Goodreads
  • Favorite Pasta: The Lights In The House Below
on: 01:00 PM, 11/21/17
I think it just needs to be tightened up a bit. The narrator's manner of speaking is a little bit longwinded, and some sentences can be shortened, while others can be combined.

Okay, I see.
I was trying to decide if I should make the narrator the sort to make glancing references, or the sort to give you a full walkthrough of his day. I'd figured that if he was the sort to be bitter anyway, he'd be more likely to hit every beat which occurred to him in sequence...but I guess that's character motivation which isn't actually necessary.
Thanks!
« Last Edit: 01:39 PM, 11/21/17 by Bosencaine »
Nightmares can be such flimsy things with such voracious appetites. Turn them away once and they can starve.