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Messages - TheLawliet10

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(Note: This story got to number one on NoSleep at 11:49 PM on 2/10/2018. It was on NoSleep for 4 hours before NoSleep moderators took it down for the click bait title)
My mother never understood my fascination with the band The Gorillaz. I wasn’t really surprised by this considering she was a die-hard Country fan, but it always annoyed me as a teenager. I had just gotten into my freshmen classes in Naperville Central when the band dropped their second major album, Demon Days. Like most of their fans, I loved the album with El Manana being my favorite track out of the entire thing. My boyfriend, Thomas, seemed to only enjoy the album when we were ‘studying’ together. The album took over every aspect of my life when it came to entertainment, the only other thing I spent my free time on was MySpace. I, of course, joined the Gorillaz group on the site, and that was when I met him.

His name was George Smith, which would’ve set off my creep alarm if it weren’t for me being a stupid teen. He started the conversation with a simple ‘Hello’. I asked him who he was, and George told me he was a fellow fan from the Gorillaz group. We spent hours and hours talking about the band’s music, from Clint Eastwood to Fire Coming out of the Monkey's Head, and soon began to talk about each other’s lives. I told George about Thomas, how he was such a great boyfriend. Yeah, Thomas was a perv, but he also listened to me when I was having a bad day and took me out on the weekends. This seemed to annoy George as he told me that Thomas was probably just trying to get in my pants, which in retrospect was probably right on the nose.

The last thing he asked me was what my address was. I had watched enough To Catch a Predator with my mom to know this was a big, fat no can do, so I told him that we shouldn’t talk anymore. He said he understood and apologised, which took me by surprise. George seemed like a good guy, he never mentioned sex once aside from warning me about Thomas, so I felt like I had insulted him when I said we couldn’t talk. I made the mistake of telling him we could talk again tomorrow, but that I just couldn’t tell him where I lived. He sent me a smiley emoji and said that was fine, he just wanted to talk to someone as cool as me. I put that I was offline on my profile, and before I went to sleep I checked George’s profile. He had a character from anime I didn’t recognize as his profile picture, a cute guy with black hair that had his bangs over his left eye. It said that he was 16, and that he lived in Illinois. It was a pretty normal profile, and while the picture made me think he might be lying about his age I wasn’t any better with my Noodle profile pic.

That morning I slipped out of the house, it was Saturday and I was ready to spend the day with Thomas. Mom wasn’t exactly ok with Thomas and I, considering that Thomas was a senior and I was just a freshman I don’t really blame her now, but as a kid I really didn’t care. Thomas was cool to me, he had a car, and he was willing to spend time to listen to what I had to say, as opposed to my mom who always told me I’d understand when I was older. Of course, being older I now know she was right most of the time, but I just felt good around Thomas. It was a usual Saturday with him, we went to the mall after getting McDonalds for breakfast, we looked around Hot Topic and Justice, and then we headed over to his place. Thomas had bought me a Gorillaz shirt and a new pair of skinny jeans, which he said made me look amazing. The second we got into his house we headed to his room, and I tried on my new shirt and jeans. Thomas’ eyes popped out of his head when I told him to uncover his eyes, and he took no time to come over and start making out with me.

We really got into it, his hot breath in my ear as he nibbled it while I scratched down his back, but the second I felt his fingers slide to the button of my pants I pushed him away. What George Smith had sent to me the night before flashed into my head, and I told Thomas that I had to go. I had never seen my boyfriend get angry before, but his face got as red as a tomato as he started to scream at me. He called me a cocktease and a whore, said I was a spoiled little slut who needed to be taught a lesson. I ran out of the house as fast as I could, I could hear Thomas’ heavy footsteps behind me getting closer and closer. I felt the cold winter air rush past me as I ran into the middle of the street, Thomas yelling at me to come back. That’s when I heard the car speed up, and the sick sound of metal hitting flesh.

I turned around and saw Thomas, or rather his body. His leg was broken to the point where it was almost wrenched off his body, his head was smashed in like a rotten pumpkin, and his guts were slowly sloshing out of his belly. I couldn’t help but scream as I saw my late boyfriend’s body, a crumpled mess of blood and guts. I hadn’t noticed that the car that hit him had stopped until I heard it honk. It was a black Camaro, the license plate read ‘Smith’.
Thomas’ parents came home and saw his body, I had never seen a grown man cry before Thomas’ dad, and I hope I never see it again. I told the police everything I could, but left out the part about George Smith. They wouldn’t have believed me anyway, so I felt like there was no point. After a week, I went to check my MySpace friends. George Smith’s profile had been deleted, but he left me one last message.

“I told you.”

I got rid of my MySpace account that night, and I avoided the site all together after that. It soon fell out of fashion, in favor of Facebook, but I didn’t get an account on there until recently. I moved out of state to get my Master’s Degree, and my mom wanted me to get an account so that she could keep in contact with me. My life has been stable since then, but the image of Thomas’ body was something I just couldn’t forget. However, that’s not the reason I’m posting this here. I just jumped onto Facebook to message my mom about my test scores and how I was doing, but when I got online there was a friend request waiting for me.

It was a friend request from George Smith...

This is pretty close to what the final story is going to be. Did a bit of editing, not a lot but I think it might be enough. Thanks to Mikemacdee for the feed back.

I wrote a bit more, please feel free to tell me what you think. I really think I could improve what I have.

Fleming Storage Units WIPs / Re: Location Collaboration
« on: 05:02:36 AM 11/09/17 »
There's a bit of a mistake for Unit #39, he's going to be throwing boxes in his unit on the 13th. That's my fault, I forgot to post the date on what I wrote, sorry about that.

Fleming Storage Units WIPs / Re: Master List of Summaries
« on: 12:35:55 AM 11/05/17 »
Unit# 39: Little Lies
Main Character: Jeremy Harris, Relationship with Unit Owner: son of owner

Unit Owner: Kathrine Harris
Kathrine will not be at the unit at all, due do various complications including her extremely bad knees from years of construction work
Kathrine cannot get anything from the unit, due to a doctor telling her she cannot lift anything over 60 lbs. or her knees will give out on her.

WIP Link:

Other information: Jeremy lived in Havre from the age of 11 to the age of 18, went to college afterwards. He hasn't been back since. 

Fleming Storage Units WIPs / Re: Location Collaboration
« on: 12:26:22 AM 11/05/17 »
Unit 39 will definitively be going to Lantern at 4pm on the 12th, he'll be seeing a redheaded woman rush out before she gets any food at 4:30 pm. She'll have dropped a $20 on the table before leaving.

Fleming Storage Units WIPs / Re: Events
« on: 12:24:22 AM 11/05/17 »
Unit 39 will be in Lantern Buffet at 4pm on the 12th, at 4:30pm he's going to see a redheaded woman run out before getting any food.

Unit 39 will be throwing boxes in his unit from Noon to 6pm.

      I had never asked to come back to my home town, but my mother was so persistent that I couldn’t say no. The woman lured me in with the promise of my favorite dinner, lasagna, at least once while I was staying with her, and told me anything in the storage unit was mine. The only thing she wanted was the china cabinet at the back of the unit. I drove into town on the 11th of October, after my mother told me about the email she received, went to my mother’s house, and then headed to the Flemming place to open up unit 39. I showed my papers to one of the cops there, a big guy with one of those thick moustaches that I thought cops only had on old 80’s crime dramas, and headed past the gates. It was freezing out, reminding me why I moved down to Nevada, and the thick leather coat my mom gave me when I started to leave the house was now very appreciated. Anything for her favorite son, I guess. I stopped in front of the large, metal door of the unit and unlocked it, lifting the roll-up door while being greeted with the smell of dust and old boxes from inside.
   The light from the outside filled the garage-like cove, my eyes catching small boxes stacked on larger ones, sets of old tools that my mother had replaced a year after we moved, and the large, tan colored china cabinet in the very back that my mother wanted so badly that she asked me to fly out to get it for her. My mother wasn’t an old lady, she was barely forty and had muscles like Wonder Woman, but years of working construction jobs had caught up with her. She had a slipped disc, and her knees were almost completely bone on bone from the heavy lifting she did for most of my life, so she wasn’t exactly in the best shape to try and get this hunk of wood herself. I was on almost the opposite side of the spectrum from my mother, I was a bit chubby and worked a desk job for a news blog in Vegas, but I could still carry the cabinet out with a little help from someone else. I had three days from then to do it, so I figured I could take my time and look through some of my mom's’ old things. The flight to Great Fall International from McCarran was long and boring, and the drive to Havre wasn’t a picnic either, so I was hoping to find some old books or maybe an old Gameboy of mine to take on the flight back home.
    I wasn’t surprised at how heavy most of the brown U-Haul boxes where, I had expected the one I had to be filled to the brim with pots and pans, but as I opened up the first one my eyes met at least twenty Marvel comics. It was mostly stuff from the nineties: Clone Saga Spider-Man books, Cable, and a ton of X-Men spin-offs. I looked at a few of the covers, recognizing a few of them from when I read them as a kid when my grandma babysat me. I closed up the box and carried it to the back of my mother’s pick-up. She had let me borrow it just incase I had a few more things I wanted to bring, and considering how small the trunk in my rented Ford Fusion probably couldn’t hold a gallon of milk let alone three or four boxes of junk. The rest of the boxes were pretty much exactly what I expected, most of it where kitchenwares and my grandma’s knickknacks. Granny Abigail loved elephants, so it didn’t surprise me when I found a box being taken up by a small elephant plant stand with a glass table top.

    Time flew as I rummaged through the cardboard cells, and my stomach was starting to protest going without food for five hours. I stood up and cracked my back, about to leave until a box to the right of the roll up door caught my eye. The box was sealed with two thick lines of black duct tape on the top, and in faded black Sharpie the word ‘Trash’ was scribbled on one of the lid flaps. When we moved, I remembered mom had packed up a lot of things from our old house in Illinois, and when I had asked her she told me ‘It’s trash baby, don’t worry about it.’ As a kid, I never really questioned my mother on this, but I had always wanted to know why she would take nice looking shirts and photo albums and toss them into trash bags and cardboard boxes. I picked up the box and carried it over to the tail of the old F-150, my keys acted like a poor man’s knife to cut through the black tape of the box. The box was full of clothes and old fantasy paperbacks, a photo album that was wrapped in a white dress shirt lined the bottom.

   I smiled as I saw the paperbacks, there were a couple of Wheel of Time books and even an old, yellow paged copy of The Sword of Shannara. Of course they went into the box with my old comics, and then I went back to the photo album. It was a simple, grey covered album with faded white polka-dots speckled across the front and back, and in the middle of the front cover was window with a picture of a baby with a tuff of blonde hair and a pair of green eyes. My mom had shown me pictures of myself as a baby, so it was easy to recognize myself on the little window. I cracked open the old thing, hoping to find a few pictures to surprise mom with. As my fingers flipped through the pages, I settled on a picture of my mother and a man I didn’t recognize. Mom was easy to recognize with her fiery red hair and emerald eyes, but with less wrinkles than I wa used to; however, the man was big and bulky, with thick blonde hair and a pair of cold, emotionless eyes.

    I flipped through the rest of the book and in each picture of the man his smile seemed sharp and angry, and his eyes were always cold like he was a hunter stalking his prey. It made me uncomfortable, like he was judging something just outside the photo. I closed the book and pushed it back into the trash box, then tossed the box back into the storage unit. I really didn’t care who the man was, whether he was an uncle or my father or a cousin, but I knew I never wanted to see his face again. My eyes went to clock on my phone before I closed the tail of the Ford’s bed, and got into the driver’s seat. It was already four, and there weren’t as many boxes in the unit as mom said. In all honesty, I was probably going to just take a few of the pulp novels from the trash box, but for now I was hungry and mom had started getting the lasagna ready before I headed out.
Dinner was good, the lasagna was just as cheesy and delicious as I remember. I didn’t say much to mom, mostly because she kept going on and on about how Thomas Johnson was ruining his wife’s life with their ‘stupid booze shop’. I really didn’t care about local stuff, I never cared as a kid either but that was because I cared more about beating Oracle of Seasons, but tonight the picture of that blonde man kept jumping into my mind. Mom noticed, she always did, and asked what was bothering me.

    “I found a box in the Unit today,” I started, pushing a bit of pasta to the side with my fork, “and I found a picture album.” My voice trailed off, and my mother stood up fast enough to knock her chair down. She hobbled over to me, her teeth biting into her lip in pain, before she wrapped her arms around me.

    “Oh sweetie, I’m so sorry.” she said, her voice muffled by my shirt, “I never wanted you to have to see him. Just… Just forget him, Jeremy.”
I had to ask her who he was, and my mother told me. His name was Johnathan Harris, and he was part of the plumber’s union. Mom had met him on a job site, and they wound up hitting it off. After a few years, they got married and I was born soon after that. At this point my mother was tearing up, and I did the only thing I knew I could do, I apologized for asking about it. She sobbed for a while, and I helped her into her chair and hugged her close. After a while, mom said she would be fine and that she was tired and going to bed. I had screwed up, but my mother would never say I would. I cleaned up dinner for her, washed the dishes, and headed up to the guest room.

    That night, I had a dream about being a kid. I’m not sure how young I was, but I was shorter than the doorknob to the room I was in. I walked through the door and headed down the stairwell just outside the room, the whole room seemed to grow around me as I headed to the bottom. I felt my bare feet start to get cold, to the point where my toes were getting numb. Once my feet hit the hardwood floor at the bottom, I could hear whimpering. After a little bit it became crying, and I could tell it was an older kid though I wasn’t sure why a big kid would be in my home at night.  I followed the noise to my back door, the yard looked like a pure black sheet, and I felt myself freeze in place. I always hated the dark as a kid, the idea of monsters hiding, waiting to eat me in one gulp felt all too real right now, but my curiosity won out. I headed out the door, and felt the wet dew of the grass on my feet as I followed the noise to a shed. A line of light pushed through a slit between the doors, and I peeked my eye through it. Inside I saw a bunch of wood barrels, and I reeled back as I smelt the thick chemical scent assault my nose. Even as a kid I couldn’t stand the smell of chemicals, my mother was the same, it was something to do with the sensitivity of my nose. I fell back on my ass as I tried to keep from throwing up from the smell, and that’s when I heard the crying again. I felt terrified, but I looked back to the shed. That’s when the doors were flung open, and one of the barrels had lost its top. The acidity in the smell of the chemicals got worse, and my head began to spin as I saw a hand pop out of the barrel. The skin was red from chemical burns, bits of it were missing and I could see bleeding red muscle along the fingers and wrist.

     My eyes shot open as I gasped awake, the numbers 02:00 burned from my phone’s lock screen as I turned to check the time. I didn’t want to go back to sleep, and my mom’s internet was good, so I pulled up Netflix on my phone to pass the time watching episodes of Bojack Horseman. At six I headed downstairs and had a simple breakfast of toast and eggs, mom was already awake and had made a pot of coffee. As we ate, she asked me how I slept. I told her I slept like a baby, I had learned to lie to my mom a long time ago. I got to the storage place around the same time as the day before, and I realized how little progress I had made the day before. It didn’t matter, at this point I had all that I wanted of this place and just wanted to get to the china cabinet and go back to Vegas. I started pushing boxes to the side, but after a while I started to hear something squealing in the unit next to me.

    Unit 40 looked more like a guy’s garage rather than a place to store his junk, at least from what I saw of it. I’m sure the guy who owned it was a good guy, but whatever he was doing sounded like a chihuahua bark being pitched up and played over and over again. I never really had an opinion on jazz music, but I can honestly say after hearing that I never wanted to listen to it again. For the most part, I ignored the screeching saxophone and just kept moving boxes and totes out of the way of the cabinet. It wasn’t until about three that I got a text from mom saying how it was going to be a fend-for-yourself night for dinner. I texted her back that I’d eat out, and closed the unit before heading over to the plaza next door.

     As I parked in the lot of the strip mall, I looked over to Inspector Moo Moos. It was an old theme restaurant that served pretty good shakes, and burgers sounded good, but then the Chinese buffet caught my eye. Mom had always had a peanut allergy, so I had never eaten there when I was a kid, and chinese food sounded amazing at that moment. The place was tacky looking once I got inside: vinyl seats, old yellow menus, and dust all over a ficus near the front door; however, the smell of the food cooking was incredible. I took my seat in a booth away from the windows and grabbed a plate for the buffet. The food even looked heavenly, and I grabbed a bunch of sushi and some small dumpling looking things labeled as gyoza before I started back to my table. The voice of a very angry asian woman echoed as I passed the door, and I hoped that the food wasn’t undercooked considering how pissed off she sounded. I sat and started to chow down, when another customer caught my eye. The waiter must have sat her a little bit after I got in, and it looked like she was waiting for her drink. She was a redhead with a cute pixie cut, a small mark under her lip, and a determined look in her eye as she quickly stood and dropped a twenty on the table. The woman ran out the door, as if she was chasing after someone she recognized. It wasn’t any of my business, so I just kept eating. I considered myself a buffet expert, considering the amount of casinos that offer buffets in Vegas, and this Lantern place was probably the best chinese place I had been to in the past few months.

     My mother was asleep when I got home, so I headed up to my room as quietly as I could. My eyes closed as soon as my head hit the pillow, and I fell into a warm sleep. It all played out again, the smell of the chemicals from the barrels in the shed woke me up this time, before I saw the hand again. I could still smell the stuff as I sat up i bed, my phone flashed a bright six AM into my bloodshot eyes. For a while I just sat there, unable to push the thought of that hand, those barrels, from my head. It was ten before I left my room, and by the time I got to the unit it was noon. By this point, I stopped caring about any of the crap my mother had in this place, it was all garbage to her anyway. I didn’t care about the noises of the boxes crashing as I started to throw them to the side, I just wanted to make a path to that fucking cabinet. I could hear dishes crash and things snap from inside the boxes, but as the sun set I smiled when I saw how the way out of the unit was clear now. My back cracked as I stood, and I headed back to the truck.

    As I got back home, my mother smiled and asked me how I was doing. I didn’t say a word to her. It was her fault that I had to come back to this small, crap hole of a town, and it’s because of her that I started to have these nightmares. It had to be her and that storage place’s fault, I had never had a dream that bad since I had turned seventeen. I didn’t sleep that night, I sat up and watched Adult Swim. As I watched American Dad, my wakeful mind couldn’t help but think about the barrels, and the acid inside them. I couldn’t think of anything else, the nightmare was just real enough to trick my nose into thinking I could smell that crap. The theme to Chowder started to play as the sun peeked into my window. I headed downstairs after a shower, and went right to the truck. I didn’t want to be in the house when my mom woke up, I didn’t want that awkward conversation about what had upset me the night before. I stopped at GENEX to grab a few Monsters and a microwave breakfast sandwich, downing two of the energy drinks down as I sat in the truck waiting for ten.
I drove straight for Unit 39, parking the truck close to the door of the rental garage. The door clanked as I pushed it up, and I walked up to the china cabinet. I had sobered up from my sleep drunkenness, and I wanted to make up with mom even if she wasn’t mad, and the first step was getting the cabinet into the truck bed. I opened the drawers, looking for anything that would make the cabinet heavier than it should be, I didn’t want to put more effort into moving the huge thing than I needed to. Nothing in the drawers, so I moved on to the cabinet doors on the side of them. That’s when I found the little vault in the right cabinet, it looked like it had been forced in since the wooden sides had huge scratches on it. It was a key pad lock, and the first code I tried unlocked the grey, metal box. Mom had always used my birthday as the code for everything, even the parental controls for the family desktop, so it made sense. What didn’t was the revolver in the vault. I had never seen my mother with a gun before, but I knew this was the reason she wanted the cabinet out of the unit. I took the gun out of the vault, it was a short barreled, black revolver that felt cold in my hand.

    As I looked the gun over, it all came back to me. My father had taken me to the shed in our back yard one night, a warm smile on his face that made me feel cozy against the cold, wet grass. I had smelt the lye before I saw the barrels, but dad had gotten me one of those white face masks you see people wear when they’re working with fiberglass, it doesn’t help a lot but it’s enough. Dad opened up one of the barrels, and he showed me the yellow liquid before he pulled on a long, rubber glove to fish out something. It was an arm, the skin and muscle on it almost melting off. I started to breath heavier, I could feel my legs shake as my father’s smile started to scare me. Then I heard the gunfire, my mother screamed how they had a deal, that my dad was only allowed to do this because he had promised not to involve me, not to hurt me. She pulled me out of the shed and yelled at me to go upstairs, behind her was the body of my father, limp with blood pooling under his face. I forced that night out of my mind, never wanting to remember that arm in my father’s gloved hand, my mother with the gun that killed him, and the smell of all those barrels filled with lye.

   I put the gun back into the vault, locking it up and closing the cabinet door. I stood back up and walked to Unit 40, where I saw the saxophone guy. I asked him for help, and he was a generally good guy about it. After we got the china cabinet into the back of the truck, I locked up the unit for the last time. There was a gun shop in the strip mall I had lunch at the other day. The owner was one of those fat redneck types, and he told me the gun I had was a Model Governor and that it took .45 Colt ammo. I bought a box, and started the drive home. Mom and I needed to have a talk.

Fleming Storage Units WIPs / Re: Location Collaboration
« on: 01:32:44 PM 11/02/17 »
There's the google link for the hotels in Harve, it also has the pricing for the hotels and the rating. There's a couple of cheap ones and a lot of chains.

Fleming Storage Units WIPs / Re: Location Collaboration
« on: 10:57:25 PM 11/01/17 »
I'm looking for a more "chain" hotel that someone unfamiliar with the area would feel safe staying in, Secoura. I was thinking of looking to see what hotels are in the area in the coming days. At the least, I'd like something noisy to happen in the hotel that would break my character's concentration. Not sure whether you or someone else wants to create a detailed incident, but that would also be welcome. Just as long as more than one person hears something in the hotel.

Quebec, I'll add "cheap motel" to the first post in case anyone else would like to stay in the same place. Sounds like a great place for weird stuff to go down!
Just Googled hotels in Havre, there's quite a few and a couple are cheap. Did you want me to post the link here or send it through DMs?

Fleming Storage Units WIPs / Re: Location Collaboration
« on: 10:45:34 PM 11/01/17 »
39 is from out of town, but his mother lives in town on a farm just outside the town. He might swing by the Lantern Buffet on the 12th, but it's really up in the air right now

   Back in 1998, I was in fifth grade and my school was hit by what I could only describe as ‘Pokemania’. Honestly, it didn’t surprise me at all, considering how little happened in the small, Illinois countryside town I lived in at the time. I was swept up with the rest of the kids in this sort of Pokemon fever, I collected the cards and watched the anime, but I was never able to play the original Gameboy games. My friend George had Red version, and he let me watch him play every day at recess. Whenever I asked him if I could play, he told me it only had one save file, and if I started a new game I’d erase all of his progress.
I remember begging my mom for a Gameboy Color and Pokemon Blue, so that I could trade with George, but the answer was always the same, ‘Maybe you’ll get it for your birthday’. It was like that for a whole year, until my birthday finally rolled around. When I opened my presents, I had this feeling in my stomach that what my mom had promised me wouldn’t be in any of the brightly wrapped boxes, and I was right.
Pokemon slowly got pushed out of the limelight by other fads from Japan, I still watched the anime from time to time, but I gave up on the card game a few months after my birthday after trying to learn the rules to properly play. However, I still wanted to play the games, if only to say that I had. My chance would finally come after a couple of years, when my mom placed a small box, wrapped in red and blue polkadotted paper, in front of me.
I smiled up at her, asking her what the present was for. “Let’s just call it a late birthday present, sweetie.” she said, and it took me a few seconds to fully understand what she meant. When it finally hit me, I tore the paper off the box like it was full of jewels. As I pulled the lid off the gift, I saw a Gameboy Advance with a copy of Pokemon: Gold Version.
“I know it’s not exactly what you wanted,” my mom said as she took a seat next to me, “but I figured you’d want the new version.” I hadn’t even realized that Gold and Silver had come out, and the new Pokemon in the show had been written off in my mind as ones that only existed in the cartoon, like Togepi. My mom laughed as I snatched up the clear plastic GBA and Pokemon cartridge, and quickly ran up to my room.
I sat on my bed right as the game booted up, and the small jingle noise of the Gameboy Advanced logo echoed from the speaker. I skipped the opening scene of the game and got right to the title screen, before starting my very first Pokemon adventure. I’ll spare you some of the more boring details of the game, like the opening of the game that most fans would know, but I’ll tell you I decided to name my character George. He had moved away last year, and told me he was starting a new game on his Red Version before his last day of school.

“I’ll name the main guy after you, Mark.” He told me, and I felt like I was going to cry. I hadn’t cried since my grandpa’s funeral, but this was a different type of crying I wanted to do. I had held back my tears and pat my best friend on the back hard, and watched as he deleted his main file and kept to his word as he restarted. So, it only felt right to name the main character in my Gold Version George, and I picked the fire-type, Cyndaquill, since he had always started with Charmander in Red Version.
Most of the game went really good in the beginning, I named the rival Buttface (as most of the kids in my school did back in fifth grade), I had beaten Falkner, Bugsy, and Whitney, and I figured out I had to talk to Whitney again to get her badge after ten minutes of walking around Goldenrod City. I had made it to Ecruteak City after about an hour of playing, and went to challenge the gym leader Morty in his invisibly maze gym. It was an easy battle, all of Morty’s pokemon where ghost/poison type, and I had caught a Sandshrew in Union Cave after beating Falkner, and ground types are strong against poison so I didn’t have a lot to worry about. I beat Morty with a little bit of a hiccup when my Sandshrew fainted.

After going through the usual dialogue all the gym leaders said, where they give you their badge and their favorite T.M., Morty took a step back and the lights in the gym faded off and on, off and on, until he took a step forward, looking right at my character.“George,” the gym leader said through speech bubble, “beware of the water.” I had no idea what he meant, but I assumed it was just part of the game, since he just said it again when I went to talk to him. I moved on right after healing up my team at the Pokemon Center, heading straight toward Olivine City.

Most Pokemon fans know what I was in for by this point, the climb to the top of the lighthouse, and the sidequest with the Ampharos that needs the special potion from Cianwood City. I checked my map once I got the sidequest, and I noticed something that made me shiver. Cianwood City was on an island, surrounded by water, with no bridge to get there. I had gotten Surf earlier from the Kimono Girls in Ecruteak, but I forgot about it until now. I felt uneasy when I stepped up to the edge of the beach of Olivine, and told my Quagsire to use Surf.

Route 47 was all water, with bits of islands and Swimmer trainers dotting the blue waves, and it seemed like it was the same calm water I had seen George’s Pokemon swim through in his Red Version. I smiled to myself, my worry being replaced with the possibility that Morty had been programmed to warn me about some legendary Pokemon I might encounter, and then the sound of lightning cracked from my GBA’s speakers. I jumped, and in an instant the screen went black, and a speech box popped up, “George has blacked out, and drowned.” I turned off my game, getting a ticked off since I hadn’t saved since Ecruteak.

The next day, my mom called me down from my room, She handed me the phone, and I asked who it was. “Mark, honey, it’s George’s mom. George went swimming last night in their pool, and… Well, he dived in and hit his head. It knocked him out, and… I’m sorry honey, but George is dead.”

Story Critique / Re: Mr. Greater
« on: 11:54:14 AM 10/16/17 »
Nice. Definitely liked what you did there. Only real issue I'd say is maybe describe the brother's drawing a bit more in depth. Just so when the accident happens, it's clear that the picture is of what his body looked like. Admittedly, I'm not sure what the best way to do that would be. Maybe he draws his body lying with limbs all in the wrong direction? Something along those lines if that makes sense. Otherwise though, definitely enjoyed it, especially the ending. That's pretty killer...
I was thinking on this for a while, but I think I've got a way to make it more clear on what the picture really is. I'll probably rewrite this and a few of my other stories and put them on the main Your Stories page after a bit. Thanks for the feed back.

Story Critique / Mr. Greater
« on: 03:31:49 PM 09/26/17 »
   I was about ten years old when my brother, Greg, was born, and I honestly hated him. My parents always gave Greg the most attention, and to my underdeveloped mind this meant they loved him more than me. I grew out of this mindset when I turned fourteen, when it finally dawned on me that Greg was a little kid and I could take care of myself for the most part. I will admit it did help that I had broken my leg while riding my bike down a huge hill in town, and my friends rushed to my house to get my mom. That was the first time my mom had carried me since I was nine, and even Greg seemed to understand something was wrong in his toddler mind.
Once I got into high school, I had become accustomed to helping Greg get ready for school in the morning. I packed his lunch and mine at the same time, got him breakfast (usually peanut butter Captain Crunch), and sat him down to watch Sesame Street before my mother woke up to get him dressed. However, aside from that I didn’t spend much time with my little brother. I was more interested in the usual things a guy my age was like playing Halo 2’s multiplayer and Magic the Gathering with my friends, or my girlfriend and her obsession with weird anime like Boogiepop Phantom and Paranoia Agent. If it’s not obvious I was kind of a nerd, a lucky nerd because of the already mentioned girlfriend, but still a nerd.
Greg, on the other hand, loved to do one thing and one thing only, and that was drawing. He would sketch out chunky bodied cats, people with egg shaped hands, dinosaurs that he loved from the Land Before Time series, usual little kid stuff that most people draw when they’re around six or seven. I remember when Greg showed me his drawing of Mr. Greater, it was summer and I had just gotten back from swimming at the local public pool with my friends. I was walking into the house when Greg rushed up to me like an SUV trying to cut off the person in the next lane.
“Joey! Joey!” my little brother was jumping up and down, excited to the point of my being worried he was going to pee himself, “I gotta show you somethin’!” Before I could say a word, he ran off to the kitchen and flew back to me with a piece of paper in his hand.
I took the page, expecting the usual Garfield-like cat with a joke written on it that only a six year old would get, but instead I saw a jumbled mess of what looked like arms and legs plastered together. The shape in the middle of all the legs looked like a glob of strawberry jelly, and I could see what looked like hundreds of eyes and teeth drawn all over the page with strings of the jelly connecting them to the main body.
“Greg…” I began, still staring at the page, “What is this?”
“It’s Mr. Greater,” my brother replied in a bored tone, like I had just asked him what sound a cow makes, “does he look cool?”
I nodded, it was really the only thing I could think of doing aside from asking Greg if I could keep the picture. I knew our mom would freak out if she saw my little bro drawing stuff like this, she’d probably send him to a shrink or something. I thought that maybe the movies mom would watch with us, stuff like Poltergeist and Beetle Juice, had just made my little brother feel like drawing some weird shit from a nightmare or something.
Greg died when I turned twenty-three, while I was living in another town with my girlfriend from high school. I had been working as a clerk in Barnes and Noble when I got the call on my lunch break, my mom was crying when she called me. It got to the point where I could barely understand her, when my grandmother took the phone from her gently and told me that Greg had been driving home from school when a drunk driver crashed into his car. Neither of them were wearing seat belts, and the driver and the passenger of the car along with Greg got tossed out of the car like a baseball from an MLB star pitcher.
When I got off the phone with my grandma, my phone buzzed with a new text. My friend, a guy who worked just down the street from the school, saw the whole thing and told me that he was sorry for my loss. I asked him what the bodies looked like, I wanted to know if I’d be able to see my brother one last time before they put him in a fucking hole. My friend did his best to describe it without throwing up: arms and legs everywhere, blood and bone and muscle looked like chewed gum, eyes and teeth all over the street. That’s when I remembered the picture of Mr. Greater, and that’s also when I doubled over and began to vomit on the red and blue carpet of the Barnes and Noble.
It’s been ten years since I watch my brother’s casket be lowered into the ground, and not a day goes by where I don’t think about that picture. I still have it, I can’t get rid of it… It’s the only picture of Greg's’ that I kept from back then. My girlfriend, now my wife, didn’t leave my side until she knew I would be ok. I love her with all my heart, to the point where we had a child.
My daughter, Gina, is seven right now and she loves to draw. Just like her uncle she makes the same chunky cats and people with egg shaped hands, but instead of dinosaurs she’s more into Pokemon (her favorite is Meowth). The other day, when I got home from work, she rushed up to me like a rabbit and gave me a hug. I picked her up, as usual, and carried her into the kitchen to see what she had drawn. On the table was a picture of some sort of lampre thing with huge teeth, the mouth seemed to be ripped around the edges and there was a hole in the back of the mouth like you could see right through it.
“Which Pokemon is that, sweetie?” I asked, expecting some name I hadn’t heard yet from the anime.
“That’s not a Pokemon daddy,” my little girl giggled, turning to me with an adorable smile, “that’s Mr. Greater.”

Story Critique / Made Love
« on: 06:52:35 PM 03/03/17 »
   Andrea and I met at Westlyn University during our freshman year, she was going for her Psychology doctorate and I was looking to get an Art History degree so I could get a teaching job to fall back on if my paintings didn’t sell well. What drew me to her was her hair, it was a beautiful golden blonde that made me think of honey. We started dating about a year later, and after we got our bachelor's in our respective fields we got hitched. Her parents hated me, but we didn’t care. We had a pretty happy life, until Andrea got into the accident. My love had been crossing the street, she was focused on her phone, on the music in her ear buds, so Andrea never saw the truck barreling down the road. The doctors said she wouldn’t make it, but I still took her home instead of leaving her in that cold, uncaring hospital room.

   My beloved has been bedridden since then, so it fell on me to be the only bread winner for the two of us. I took a job at a local middle school, and I took up sketching during my lunch period, and took up smoking to try and cut the pain of knowing my wife… knowing that our family could never be complete.

     It was Wednesday when a coworker of mine, an English teacher named Doris, announced in the break room that she was getting married next month. She showed us the ring on her finger, and I gave a smile and a nod while the others congratulated her through hugs, handshakes, and the Home Ec teacher, Mrs. Laurel, offered to bake the sweets for her reception. Doris had been a good friend over the three years I had been the Art teacher at West Bank Middle School, and she had become my smoking buddy when she found out I liked the same brand of cigarettes that she enjoyed. Our free periods lined up on Wednesdays, we always took a break outside the school, hidden from the security cameras and the principle. This day wasn’t any different, and we definitely had a lot to talk about during the thirty minutes we had.

     “What was it like when you and your wife got together?” Doris used that question to begin a barrage of questions about married life. I answered each of them between puffs of my Marlboro Light 100, my eyes on the small gold ring accented by three nice sized diamonds, not too large but not small either.
It took a few questions for Doris to finally calm down, a large, glowing smile on her face. I remember when my wife could smile like that, that’s the reason I asked to see my coworker’s ring, and that’s why I took her finger off her hand. Doris screamed like I had stabbed her shoulder, I had to get her to quiet down, so I slammed her head on the concrete wall next to the dumpster. The dumpster was a good spot for the body, and I had an old necklace jewelry box from my anniversary last month. The rest of the day went as normal, only the vice principal asked me what had happened to Doris. I told him she had felt sick and left early, and he bought it.

     I knew we would have to move, I had never gotten that angry at someone just for being like my loving Andrea. I pulled into the driveway, my old Chevy giving out a few clunks as I turned it off. After that I rushed up to my one and only, smiling as I saw that she was awake. Her blue eyes were cloudier than when I met her, and more color had drained from her lips from that morning, but now she had her finger back. All I needed was a couple of staples and the finger looked absolutely perfect on her. I stroked my beloved’s hair and kissed her deep, and gave her a smile.

      “After the move,” I said, looking into her eyes, “I think we should try for twins.”

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