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Messages - urkelbot666

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Your Stories / Re: Serious Inquiries Only, Please!
« on: 10:47:18 PM 12/26/17 »
Thanks to you two for reading and taking the time to comment! I appreciate it. To RedSleeves, I had originally hoped to expand on the story a little bit, like maybe in the form of a journal detailing the degeneration of the narrator's mind et-cetera. But I wasn;t sure if I was up to the challenge of writing it and doing it justice.
I'm glad to hear that the comedy of this story was apparent. That's mostly what I was going for. Thanks again for reading :)

Your Stories / Serious Inquiries Only, Please!
« on: 11:16:57 AM 12/24/17 »
Serious Inquiries Only, Please

   I have a request I'd like to make. Only message me if you are serious about helping with this, I don't need messages telling me I'm crazy or a sicko. I won't even read them.

   I have aggressive brain tumors (glioblastoma) and I'm told that I'll likely be dead within two months. I have decided to forgo treatment since I'm going to die anyway, and I don't want my senile mother to have to deal with collection agencies and lawyers and hospital fees and all that wonderful bullshit. I will need all my savings to pay for something after my demise, and that is where you come in (more on that later).

   I'm 23. I have a cat, a two room apartment, an assembly line job, no girlfriend, no siblings, no friends in real life. I've had a short, uneventful life, and now I'm going to die. I figure I haven't got much to lose, but it still sucks knowing that you're going to die decades before most people the same age as you. It would be nice to stay around for a while longer and I'm planning on doing just that with a final series of actions that will probably not work. But what the hell? I can't leave all my money to my cat. I studied biology at university for about two years before I dropped out. Apparently studying the nature of life doesn't actually help you live any longer. Luck of the draw. Anyway, one of the most interesting things to me was the case of Dr. McConnell's experiments with planarian worms in the 60's. Planarians are very primitive organisms that, when cut in two, can regrow into two worms. This can be done to a single worm almost 300 times.

   He conducted some tests in which he ran the worms through mazes, and also some tests using negative reinforcement. He found that if he took the worms that successfully ran the maze, chopped them up, and fed them to new worms, these new worms got through the same maze more quickly than the first.

   He toyed with the hypothesis that certain memory can be stored in RNA, or physically in places other than the brain. Most people said that this was poor science, and that he was biased and the new worms were following "slime trails" left by the previous worms. They continued that experiments of the same kind on mammals never worked, and the theory was horseshit. Now where's the fun in that?

   A few years ago, some other scientists found evidence through their experiments that planarians, the same kind of worm, after being cut up and regrowing into numerous new worms, retain some memory from the prime worm. The regrown worms learned from negative reinforcement more quickly than the worms in the control group. This gives a little more credence to the theory of cellular memory. I feel like the X-factor in these experiments isn't necessarily the existence of cellular memory in all creatures, but specifically in planarian worms and other such organisms.

   I have drilled a hole in my head.

   Do not message or contact me about it, it is already done. There is a hole in the right side of my forehead. As far as I'm concerned, everything above my neck is already damaged goods. (Do not contact me about this, I WILL NOT GIVE YOU ADVICE ON HOW TO DRILL A HOLE IN YOUR HEAD). I have not allowed the skin to heal over the hole, which is roughly 2 centimeters in diameter. I leave it bandaged and sterilize it often. Though an infection isn't really a big concern to me at this point.

   I also ordered from a school and lab science supply website, two dozen planarian worms. I have begun cutting them and regrowing them, and it really is pretty cool to see them grow into new organisms. I now have over 100 worms, and will be continuing until at least 250, and probably as long as I can continue this project.

   For two weeks I have been placing immature worms into the hole in my skull in hopes that they will ingest my brain matter. I imagine that since they have been proven to be cannibalistic in nature, they will be pretty open to any kind of meal. The worms are very flat, and are slimy to the touch, and I have been making sure to watch after I place each one in to make sure it travels inside the bone and the membranous tissue of my head. Usually after some prodding, they will slither out of my sight, into the crevasses between my gray matter.

   I do not know how long I can keep this up. To my knowledge, this has never been done before. Thus far, I haven't experienced any symptoms that could not also be attributed to my glioblastoma: headaches, mood swings, confusion, et-cetera. My hope is that by utilizing the cellular memory retaining attributes of these worms, I will be able to transfer a portion of my memories and consciousness into these foreign organisms to be carried on after my impending death.

   I now come to the point of my post. I need to find at least one person to help me carry this out. I need someone who will follow through with my plan. After I die, it is imperative that I have the planarian worms removed before my body is found and autopsy or embalming can commence. If you are seriously interested in the proposition I make, we will set up a time to talk on the phone or connect over Skype. From that point, I will continue to call or contact you at least three times every day at predetermined points of time. When I stop contacting you, it means that I have either died, or am physically or mentally unable to call and I will be dead soon after. When I fail to contact you, you must immediately travel to my home.

   In the best case scenario, you will arrive at my apartment within 2 hours of my death. Depending on the time-frame and when you arrive, I will want you to wait until my body temperature falls enough that I feel cool, but not cold to the touch, if I am not already when you arrive. I will do my best to dress warmly and wear a thick hat when I sense the time is approaching to combat having the worms in my head dying from low temperatures.

   If I am able to find someone willing to follow through with the rest of this, then immediately following our verbal contract, I will further augment my skull by adding two more holes in the rear of my head. These will make the following procedure easier.

   Upon finding my corpse, I will require you to use the instruments I will from now on be carrying on my person (hanging from a tool-belt I will be wearing) and a Tupperware container I have sterilized and triple bagged in Ziploc baggies to collect the worms. I have in my possession a few plastic handled, 12 inch long, flat, sharp, non tapered knives as well as some long, narrow "spoons." These will be used to break up, and stir my brain matter containing the worms into a consistency that will be able to pass through the holes in my skull. Ideally, the worms will have traveled widely throughout my brain, which will make your job of collecting them harder.

   I will need you to push, pull, scoop, and prod as much of the contents of my skull into the Tupperware container as possible, making sure that these contents contain worms. IT IS IMPERATIVE TO OBTAIN AS MANY LIVE WORMS AS POSSIBLE. Even if the planarians do not appear to be moving, you must collect them, as they may have been severed by the instruments and will regrow.

   After you have collected as many worms as possible, the next task will be to isolate them for captivity. It is probably best if at this point you leave my apartment and go back you your home. But do not forget to take with you the jug of distilled water I have in my refrigerator. Once home, heat the distilled water evenly (in its jug, a water bath, do not dump the water into a cooking pan!) to about 60 degrees F, then rinse the brain matter off of the worms and place them into the habitat I will have given you (either by mail or drop-off-pickup). From this point on, your job will be to care for these worms that will hopefully contain some of my cellular memory.

   After you leave my apartment (making sure you are noticed as little as possible, most of my neighbors don't care about each other) do not call 911 or inform any authorities of my demise, I will be found eventually. I do not anticipate any trouble with police. If you are careful not to leave any physical evidence, there will be no concrete link to you. The calls we have been making can be attributed to our meeting through some sort of online support group. If information regarding this project surfaces, then after researching what we agreed upon, it should be found that you are guilty of nothing at all, except carrying out a man's final wishes.

   The worms ought to be fine if they receive no traumatic treatment, have a consistent temperature (anywhere between 40 and 70 degrees ought to be good), have their water changed no less than once a month, and are kept fed. A few bits of hard boiled egg-yolk a week should sustain them. If you notice them dying while leaving uneaten yolk, reduce the amount, if they are dying and the yolk is gone, increase the amount. Should any die, leave their bodies with the others, that they may cannibalize it and perpetuate my cellular memory.

   If you feel you want to go all out in this venture, I encourage you to ingest these worms from time to time. Do not let their numbers dwindle too much, but I'd urge you to cut a few of them up so that they will regrow, and to eat some of the planarians, in hope that some of my consciousness may find its way into your brain and I may continue to live a full life!

   Failing this, please care for the worms as long as you are able to, until such time that science may be able to use them to extract my memories and consciousness. If you have any friends who would be interested in joining the experiment, and ingesting some of the worms, please feel free to allow them. The only other thing I would ask in caring for these creatures is that you maybe leave the radio on or have them in view of a TV, so that if my memory and consciousness has successfully been absorbed by the planarians, I will have something to help fend off the boredom of planarian worm life. As a note, I enjoy Dr. Who.

   So if you have thoroughly read this request and are interested in helping me, please respond as quickly as possible! ONLY SERIOUS INQUIRIES! If we reach an agreement, I will pay you as well as I am able for this relatively light-labor job. If I receive more than one serious application and approve them, of course, payment will be less, but the work will also be split! I am accepting applications now. Please contact me with your name, phone number, e-mail address, Skype/messenger, and a brief bio about yourself. If we decide not to go through with this, I will sever ties and you will have no obligations. If we decide to go through with this, we will connect either in person or over the phone to discuss times, and details, as well as PAYMENT. After paying my college loans, I have roughly $9,000 to offer.

   I look forward to hearing from you!

Fleming Storage Units WIPs / Re: Unit 120-Till Time
« on: 10:09:54 PM 12/05/17 »
This one has some excitement and tension in it, and I was interested to keep reading. I like the concept of the narrator being stalked for something she doesn't even know she has yet. The narrator's voice has a good deal of personality.
There are some things I wanted to mention here in terms of format and rules and stuff. According to the video and the rules shortlist the narrator has to open the unit in the first paragraph and close it in the last. The end seems to have the unit closing, but the beginning takes a while to get there. Also, one thing I want to point out, the rules state that the story should be in past tense, and as of now this one is in present tense. I just wanted to point that out since there's still some time to modify it! One other thing is that the gun shop is Hopper's not Hooper's.
Anyway, I did enjoy reading this one, I just wanted to point some of those things out :)

Very provocative, aided by the short length. I liked this one. I enjoyed the narrator's sterile and, to steal your own word, clinical voice which was also kept interesting with a few personal observations. Lots of cool ideas in this one. :)

Fleming Storage Units WIPs / Re: FSU 66: Magic Milk [WIP]
« on: 10:04:59 AM 12/04/17 »
Oh man, I do that a lot too x3. Sometimes I just put in placeholder names if I can't think of one that fits well. I'll go through my own work at the end and be like "wait... who is that?"

Going back through, I only found a couple things. I thought there had been one or two more, but I guess not! One is, I believe that Sophomore has an "O" after the "H," It's just missing here. And I think there's a word missing here

were put in between more recent looking photos him and a reddish brown haired woman

I imagine it ought to be "photos of him"

Not much to go on yet, but I like the narrator's voice so far though I felt the line "Obviously I made some wrong decisions in my life to end up here." might have been a little heavy handed. I like the imagery of the old furniture style TV station, and of course, the kitty :3

Very interesting. I wasn't sure about the sort of stream-of-consciousness style of narration, but by the end I thought it worked really well. Though I can't tell how literal the things being described toward the end are, I think they worked to give tone and really drive home the theme of this one.

A couple typos, but nothing too distracting. I'm glad I read this one :)

I have mixed feelings about this one. I like a lot of the style and certain details, but parts of  the ending seemed a little odd to me. I love the reveal of the statue as a flask, I think that's really effective. I also really liked the way the cop nabbed him because he was technically in a commercial vehicle, that was good research.

I feel like there may be something I'm missing in terms of the recurring dreams, like they are telling me something and I'm not picking up on it. But it did feel strange to me at the very end where the narrator talks about finding out he has the same addiction as his family. I hadn't gotten the impression through the story that he was fighting or denying alcoholism very much. He does some justification of his drinking, but I didn;t get any thought that drinking was causing him any problems. Especially after he only blew a .07

Another thing that felt abrupt to me was the police officer's change in demeanor after getting Sawyer in the car. The way he starts to open up in such a short time felt a little unnatural to me.

There were a few typos here and there in this one, but another proofreading should take care of most of them. There was one thing I wanted to ask about though. The narrator talks about not being in Havre for 7 years, but if he had left in 2008 that would make it closer to 9 years, right? I'm a little dense sometimes, so I might be missing something.

There were parts of this that I really liked though :)

Very intriguing! I don't entirely understand the nature of what was uncovered about Uncle Sam, but the information that was given has got me thinking, and I feel that's a good thing. I like how Harper is left intentionally vague as a character, and how that relates to the reveal at the end. I'll probably be reading this one a couple more times to pick up on more details. I noticed a few typos here and there, but nothing too distracting, and nothing another proofread wouldn;t fix. I liked this one!

I considered my own story finished and e-mailed it to the judges yesterday. I wish I had waited one more day; my unit is right next to yours and I would have liked to include my narrator noticing the faint smell of Old Spice ;)

Fleming Storage Units WIPs / Re: FSU 66: Magic Milk [WIP]
« on: 10:39:24 AM 12/01/17 »
This seems to be off to a good start. I like the narrator's voice so far and the childrens' books angle is interesting. David already seems somewhat sinister to me, as well as being irritatingly cheerful x3 One thing I might suggest is moving the description of your narrator's physical appearance to earlier in the piece, maybe when confronting the police officer. I just feel like that would flow more naturally, but that's just me :)

One thing I wanted to ask was about the line Gullible or at least trusting children would happily chug down a glass of warm milk so they could play with Stevie in the paradise that was Dreamland I was just wondering who "Stevie" was. Is that a typo and supposed to be Davie from the book's title? Or have I missed something? Anyway, nice opening. Looks promising so far.

Fleming Storage Units WIPs / Re: Unit 103: Sinister Sweets
« on: 11:04:46 PM 11/28/17 »
I found this one a little iffy in the beginning, like I wasn't sure where it was going exactly. But once it got moving I started to really enjoy it. It's got a hectic, disorienting feel which I liked. The implied imagery of a maniac, cut up from window glass grabbing and taking bites from passing squirrels while reciting a textbook is actually really hilarious to me.

I feel a little like there could be more information and background given for this story, but at the same time, by the end of it I'm not sure it would have added anything for me personally. By the time everything has happened, it was more interesting hearing what had happened than exactly why. I liked this one :)

I enjoyed this story :) Good concept and pretty good execution, I think. Most of what you mentioned might need fixing seemed okay to me. There might have been some dialogue grammar that was off, but I honestly can;t remember anything specific, so it obviously wasn;t too distracting. The dialogue itself felt natural enough to me.

I think the only thing that could be expanded upon is the range of emotions that the narrator goes through. I understand that he's obviously going to be shocked and angry at first. but I was sort of thinking that he might also have some conflicting emotions as well. I didn;t entirely get the impression that the narrator had a terrible life or that anything specifically bad happened because he was taken in by this other woman. I was wondering if he would have more anger toward his mother's first husband for leaving him. I realize that it's a lot of stuff to take in all at once, but I felt like I might have wanted to see a little more confusion mixed with his anger. That's just me though.

I liked how the world was worked into the story, though some of the chat at Moomoo's felt a little extraneous to me. Probably just because of the overall short-ish length of the piece in general.

Also, a few questions. Is the truck a reference to the Possible Paranoia story? I think there was a mention of black Dodge trucks in that story, and I contemplated adding one to my story x3 Also, is "Harrison Ellis" any kind of reference to Harlan Ellison? I kept accidentally reading the name as Harlan Ellison while I was reading this one. I think you've got a good story here, and something that could be further explored if you felt so inclined :)

I guess it was mostly just Jeremy that came across that way (other people might not even feel that way) and a few minor things like the demeanor of the grandmother and the dead rat in the opening x3

In any case, I don't think it's bad at all to have that sort of thing. I think it can keep a reader on their toes, though sometimes people get annoyed when they don't pan out or anything. I didn't feel that way, and it seems they weren't intentional.

I like the imagery in this story, the descriptions were good and I was able to visualize everything very vividly. Though other than that, I felt a little let down by the piece overall.

What is here is mostly a list of descriptions of things and not much in the way of narrative or character. It sort of reads like "I went to this place for some reason and then I found this weird thing, then this weird thing, and then there was this other weird, gross thing, and this one this was really gross and weird... and then a bag of bones."

I feel like there are some missed opportunities here, like you mention the calendar with the strange year and date format, but then immediately go to describing more weird pictures. I was interested to know more about the calendar itself. Did it seem old? Were there notes or events written on any of the dates? Did it seem homemade? Maybe these are frivolous details, but I found myself wondering about them.

I imagine what the story builds to is the notion that the bag of bones implies that Uncle painted his decaying woman from real life, and these are the girl's bones. I think maybe we're supposed to infer that if he did that painting from real life, then maybe these others are from real life as well, implying some bizarre circumstances. I'm not sure if that's correct, but if so I feel like maybe that point needs to be hit a tiny bit harder so that people don't just read this as a bunch of weird stuff then a bag of bones that might belong to the girl in the painting.

Anyway, I'm rambling now. I did enjoy reading the story, I just feel like it lacks in certain areas. I'm also aware that there is probably some subtext I'm missing at the moment. There are some issues with typos and stuff as well, but nothing too distracting. Glad to have read this one :)

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