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Topics - Lyca

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16
As a kid I always found this creepy, even in the height of summer when it's busy. (If anything when it's busy the barrel music makes it seem more disturbing to me)

17
General Discussion / Random LOL..
« on: 09:14 AM, 05/ 9/17 »
I hired a guy the other day to come and cut my grass and tidy my garden.

I sent him pics and a video to take a look at.. he gave me a quote and said he'd be round today at 1.30pm to do the job.. or earlier if he could make it..

He didn't show so at 13.50 I messaged him on facebook and asked if he was still coming to do the job..

He messaged me right back and said he didn't have a car to get to my house so could I come down and pick him up....

I guess that's what I get for getting a quote from a millennial

Btw.. I'm not putting the guy down for not having a car. I don't have a car either, it's just that he agreed to do a job for me that required heavy gardening equipment, and had I not messaged him I wouldn't have even known why he wasn't coming..

*insert massive sigh here* I waited in the whole fucking morning as well... I could have gone out and filmed on the beach as it's been a beautiful day..


18
Bad Stories / Fixing Meesa and breaking all the walls.
« on: 06:31 AM, 04/18/17 »
Oh I said when I realised everyone was looking up at me.

Urm.. hai.. I gave an embarrassed little wave.

Not gonna lie, I felt ever so slightly awkward..

Woah.. woah woah woah woah WOAHHH...!!!one!!!!  said Eddie making frantic time out signs with his hands.

How the fuck are we looking up at you? he asked.

Are you a giant omnipotent face in the sky or something? are you in the basement roof? or what?

I resented his tone and gave him pursed lips and a side eye all at once.

It's not like it matters I replied as flippantly as I could. This is a CrappyPasta, and I don't have to explain shit. Hell I don't even have to use speech marks or proper punctuation.

She's got a point Jerry said and he shrugged slightly and nodded to Ben who nodded back in agreement.

Anyway yousa made missa sound likein missa just to make a bombad funny-funny da wasn t even funny inda first place and da s no fair. Meesa screeched and everyone apart from Eddie winced.

Will you fix her? Mason asked.

Meesa gave him a scowl and side eye that was way more impressive than mine.

How? I asked..

I was getting kinda distracted by the television. It was still on and playing soft static but I swear I could hear the sound of a baby crying and a woman moaning as well.

Just write that Meesa's voice suddenly became normal offered Jerry..

Sorry, no can do I replied. You have to come up with something good. Continuity is important to me. I'm gonna be posting this on a forum and my reputation as a writer matters to me..

Meanwhile Lather Face was staring at his pizza cutter like he was hypnotized by it. He was running the little wheel up and down his right thumb making a lot of little cuts.

I'm over this he said. I'm off out to kill people. If anyone wants me just follow the screams.

And with that Lather Face left the basement.

Jerry said: Look if continuity is sooo important to your "great" story then how about this.. I listened but I didn't appreciate the air quotes he made with his fingers as he said the word "great"

"Even though NASA had changed their password after Ben's last hack he was easily able to hack right back in as he was an expert haX0r. He quickly found the new password using his Spider and a TS Grinder. He connected NASA to Audacity and a profile of Kelly Le Brock to Meesa and then pressed enter. Suddenly Meesa's voice was fixed.."

Well I could easily hack into NASA again said Ben. It's true that I am an expert.

and it must be annoy hav to type into a missa translator every time missa speak.. said Meesa.

I had to admit, That WAS getting annoying. Especially as I had to keep the stupid Jar Jar translator tab open all the time while I wrote..

Fine.. I said with a somewhat dismissive tone.. Whatever. It's not like I care that much about any of you anyway...

I had better things to do with my time than worry about this crap to be honest.

So yeah. Ben hacked into NASA again and that's how they fixed Meesa's voice. Blah blah blahhh etc etc x-fuckin'cetera..

She decided to keep the name Meesa though.

Can we go out now? Mason asked If we hurry we can catch Lather Face. He was stroking his machete as he said that and everyone looked a little disconcerted.

With that Meesa flicked her fingers and suddenly Ben and Jerry were sharp dressed men. They each linked one of Meesa's arms and headed for the door. Mason and Eddie followed and no-one looked back at the TV which was unfortunate.

A single drop of blood appeared from nowhere and dribbled slowly and purposefully down the screen.


19
Bad Stories / Clichepasta. The video game version.
« on: 06:33 AM, 04/12/17 »
I woke in an an unfamiliar bed. The room smelled musky and looked like a 1970s hotel room.

There was a flashlight on the old bedside table that stood next to my bed.

I got up and realised how short I was.

I picked up the flashlight and knew immediately I should conserve the batteries.

A noise in my head made me turn to the side.

YOU WILL DIE SCREAMING was written in drippy blood on the wall.

Eeek, I thought. I'd better get the hell out of here.

On the way out of the room I banged into something that wasn't there and walked through a table that was there.

I walked through several corridors that looked the same and then realised I should start checking doors.

Most of the doors had toilets in them even though I didn't need to poop which was lucky because I couldn't see any toilet roll.

I heard the sound of a baby crying and I didn't care.

A shadowy figure of a woman stood at the end of the corridor I was walking down. It moaned as it glided towards me.

I ran back the way I came and into my old room stopping briefly to pick up two sets of spare batteries.

The writing on the wall now said

SHE WANTS REVENGE in fresh drippy blood.

The baby started crying again. I still didn't care. I decided to check my room and saw a note that said:

Several years ago Agatha Butterface Jones stayed at this hotel and died and now she wants revenge. You need to collect toilet rolls and find the exit before the crying baby eats your soul

I didn't read it.

I thought "fuck this shit" and went out of the door again and down the same corridors. This time I didn't go in any of the toilets.

I saw the same shadowy figure at the end of the same corridor. She glided towards me with a tortured moan. I threw my spare batteries at her. They went right through her and she didn't even say Ow. She just glided on towards me. I tried to hit her with my flashlight and that didn't work either. I turned to run and it was too late.

Everything went black.

20
Bad Stories / I think this one's mostly filler.
« on: 06:31 AM, 03/ 1/17 »
Ben, Jerry and Meesa all looked up at the same time.

They saw three faces peering through the tiny window close to the ceiling of Ben's musky basement.

One of the faces was all burned up and gross, one face was all covered in dried soap that looked like a hard immovable mask and the last face was hidden behind a mask type thingy, sort of like (but not actually, for copyright purposes) a hockey mask.

The three faces disappeared and seconds later there was a knock at the basement door.

After noticing Meesa, Mason quickly left the window and went to knock on the door. Eddie and Lather Face followed.

Ben answered the door and the guys shoved their way in without even being invited.

Hey, you're the guy that cut our throats Jerry said, staring accusingly at Lather Face who was still brandishing his pizza cutter.

He hid it quickly behind his back.

I didn't do it, he said. Of course Ben and Jerry knew he was lying.

Well at least you're still not dead said Eddie trying his best to be helpful.

Actually, we are, corrected Jerry. If you didn't notice, we're zombies.

Oh... ermmmm mumbled Eddie somewhat embarrassed. Well at least you'll get girlfriends now, after all, chicks dig zombies..

YOU'RE THINKING OF VAMPIRES said Ben and Jerry in unison.

So you guys eat brains? Mason asked.

Ew no Ben replied, that's just gross shit they make up in the movies.

Want to come out and kill people with us? Lather Face asked.

Actual weesa about go out for a night onda town Meesa screeched.

Yousa re welcome to join us she added, staring directly at Mason who'd been staring directly at her the whole time.

Mason stepped back in horror at the sound of her voice.

He had no words. It was truly terrible.

How come you sound like Jar Jar? asked Eddie, and he laughed because he found the whole thing funny.

Isa his fault Meesa said pointing at Jerry, He putin a missa picture inda scanner.

Actually, Jerry said, pointing. It's HER fault...

It was then I noticed he was pointing right at me.









21
General Discussion / Hmmm, I'm not sure...
« on: 05:09 AM, 02/16/17 »
I had a full plan for all the characters in my EPIC crappy pasta saga.. but I suddenly realised I didn't like it much.. I want to do something totally different. Part of me feels I should stay faithful to my original idea, but my new half formed idea is way crappier and much more trollish (I think) I still want to add a certain character but I am trying to think of the perfect way to introduce him (like it really matters lol)

I dunno...

I need coffee but first I need to go to work.. :(

Bye.

22
Bad Stories / They're baa-ackk
« on: 06:36 PM, 02/14/17 »
They're baa-ackk

The energy from Ben's computer filled the air. It went through the walls and into the house next door where Mason, Lather face and Eddie had lived. They were all dead. Mason and Lather Face were dead in their beds. Mason was still wearing his mask type thingy, sort of like a hockey mask, his machete tightly wrapped around the dead fingers of his left hand. The soap on Lather Face had dried into a hard immovable crust, covering his entire face forever and ever, his pizza cutter was tucked safely under his pillow like a tooth. Eddie was still sat on the couch slumped forwards with his face in a now cold pizza. He was all dead and pizza faced and burned, his dirty red and green striped cardigan had bits of melted cheese stuck to it. The TV was still on but now it was just playing static and if there was anyone else around to listen to it they would have heard the too spooky voices coming from that very same static.

The electricity crackled and streaked through the floor and jolted life back into the guys. They all woke up at the same time.

Wow, that was strange said Eddie. Mason didn't reply. He was too busy trying to act tough and surly. Lather Face was still salty about the soap in his eyes even though it didn't hurt so much any more, also they were both still mad at Eddie for killing them the night before.

Cheer up you two, it's not as if we're still dead Eddie said, Friends?

Okay they said, Now lets go outside and investigate the source of all this bizarre life giving computer energy.

The guys went outside. Everything seemed to be coming from next door. They peered into the front window and saw the house was in darkness.

It was then that Mason noticed a light shining from the tiny window in the basement. They looked through the little window and saw two guys. One was kind of tall and scrawny looking. He was wearing full army gear and a little cape made of tin foil. The other guy was kind of short and tubby with a saggy butt. He was wearing tight little shorts that didn't fit properly, tennis socks and jesus sandals and a dirty string vest. They both had bras on their heads.

Stood between the two young guys was a woman.

Wow.., Mason said. Who's she?

She was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.

23
Bad Stories / Strange Science Stuff
« on: 08:08 PM, 02/ 7/17 »
Strange Science Stuff

Ben woke up five minutes before Jerry. They both had sore throats which was hardly surprising seeing as they'd both had their necks sliced with a pizza cutter in the last story.

Wow, that Toxic Waste sure saved us said Ben when he noticed they'd both got the Toxic Waste on their hands right before they died.

It sure did said Jerry.

Do you think we will get girlfriends now? asked Ben after all, Chicks dig zombies.

Nah, you're thinking of Vampires replied Jerry with a slight shrug.

The guys decided that rather than making everyone zombies and saving two girls, they would make their own girl instead because that would make the most sense.

They went to Ben's house because he had a better computer and the basement actually had good WiFi.

Jerry started to cut out pictures of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Alice from Resident Evil while Ben was busy hacking into NASA.

They put bras on their heads and turned on the computer and put all the pictures into the scanner.

The computer made a lot of loud bleepy computer noises. Random trees fell down here and there for no apparent reason and I'm pretty sure there was also some freaky shit going on at NASA as well.

The basement door glowed and pulsated and suddenly exploded in a million tiny pieces of cheap wood chip.

Then.... through the shiny glow the girl appeared..

She was perfect, just perfect...

Woah, what shall we call her? asked Jerry. Let her pick her own name said Ben.

They glanced up at her. She was still stood in the doorway looking perfect.

"Yousa made me, my name is Meeeeesa" she screeched in the most hideously annoying voice the boys had ever heard in their lives.

It was then that Ben noticed.... When Jerry had put the picture of Buffy in the scanner there was a picture of Jar Jar on the other side of the page....

24
General Discussion / When I was little....
« on: 04:53 PM, 01/30/17 »
When I was little I thought Ice Cream was Eye Scream.. I've no idea what was going through my head back then... XD

25
Spooky Images & Websites / Pictures. A short horror.
« on: 08:33 AM, 01/18/17 »
I was just watching random things on You Tube and came across this... I thought people here would enjoy it..



It's not mine but the video link takes you to the creators channel.. :)

26
I remember watching The Little Shop of Horrors many years ago.. and I remember feeling so sad for poor Audrey.. I only found out a couple of years or so ago that there was a different, better ending..

So which one did you watch and which do you prefer..? I'm guessing that this one was the US ending? The video says it's the original ending but I'd never seen it before. Both UK cinemas and videos had the Audrey dies ending.



This one is so much better... I don't know why they showed us the bad ending where poor Audrey got fried.

27
Bad Stories / Two Soldiers
« on: 07:36 AM, 01/16/17 »
Ben and Jerry were two army guys who didn't have girlfriends. Ben didn't have a girlfriend because when he wasn't soldiering he stayed in his mums basement, lived off pop tarts and gatorade and played Runescape. He wasn't even cool enough for WoW.

Jerry didn't have a girlfriend because when he wasn't soldiering he liked to wear jesus sandals and tennis socks. If that wasn't enough he also wore 80's style tight butt shorts (he didn't even have a pretty butt) and string vests.

Neither of them showered or washed their hair. Ever.

So this one time they hatched a dastardly plot so they could both get girlfriends. They stole a barrel of toxic waste from a secret cupboard and decided to dump it in the water supply of a local town so everyone would become zombies. They would save two beautiful girls and the girls would be so grateful they would sleep with them. They knew it was toxic waste because the barrel had leaked a bit and some oozy, glowy funky coloured liquid had seeped out. Also a sign on top of the barrel was marked:

TOXIC WASTE DO NOT OPEN OR ELSE

They rolled the barrel to the local river then they decided to pick which girls to save before making the zombies because that would make the most sense. They saw a couple of girls with big boobs and dressed like cheerleaders. Those two will be fine said Ben. Okay said Jerry. Just when they were about to empty the barrel a guy with tons of soap in his eyes ran up to them screaming. Ben and Jerry couldn't tell what he was saying.

Lather Face killed them both with a pizza cutter and the town was sort of saved.

The End.


PS.. I'm sorry.. :P




28
Bad Stories / There were these three guys
« on: 05:55 AM, 01/16/17 »
Once upon a time there were these three guys. One was called Mason one was called Eddie and one was called John. One night they decided to order pizza. Mason and Eddie waited for the pizza and John went to wash up as he was kinda stanky. John got soap in his eyes and started screaming like a baby. He ran downstairs screaming for help but Mason was busy cutting his pizza with a machete and Eddie who was watching a shitty show on SyFy had gotten so bored he'd fallen asleep face first in his pizza and burned his face off and died.

HALP HALP screamed John. Mason looked up and said Ha ha you have soap all over your face I'm gonna call you lather face from now on. Lather Face was so mad he dint even eat his pizza instead he said he was going out to kill teens. Mason said that sounded like fun but he was worried about being recognised so he put on a mask type thing sort of like a hockey mask and took his machete that still had melted cheese on it and went to slice some teens like they were pepperoni.

They killed several horny high school girls and their boyfriends. They killed a couple of nerds who dint deserve to die but they shouldv ran faster. Mason sliced up the old hobo that lived in the alley behind Starbucks while Lather Face offed two hapless young soldiers who were about to spill a tub of glowy toxic waste in the local water supply (thus ruining my next story before it even begins)

The cops shot Mason a few times but he just was fine. Lather Face got clean away.

Totally tuckered out from all that slicing and dicing the guys went home and straight to bed.

Eddie said Ha ha did you forget about me? He was all pizza faced and burned and he killed them both as they slept.


The End

29
Film & Television / The Evil Dead, best fun fact.
« on: 05:15 AM, 01/18/16 »
Everyone who has seen The Evil Dead (and that is probably most of us here) knows that the two hitchhikers at the beginning of the movie (the two guys stood on the road that wave as the car goes past) are Sam Raimi and Rob Tapert.. sure that is common knowledge..

But did you know that when Ash and Scottie are playing the evil incantation tape in the cabin it is Sam Raimi's voice and he says "Sam and Rob are the hitch hikers on the road" don't believe me? listen for yourself lol.. start listening at 1:45 in the video.


Mind blown? :P

30
I love the Back to the Future trilogy.. it's entertaining and holds up well (I'm a little salty we don't have hoverboards and self-drying jackets yet.. but meh, I digress)

What really bothers me is the ending to the first movie... Marty goes back in time, changes his past, helps his parents get back together.. blah blah..

It's when he goes back to 1985 that the true horrible consequences of his time trip emerge. He's changed everything.. It's played like a cute little ending scene.. Marty's family is now rich off his dad's earnings as a writer. George is confident and Lorraine is very different too.. Marty has a nice new car, Great right?

WRONG... Poor Marty really screwed himself over because he's changed EVERYTHING about his life.. That would mean everything he remembers about his childhood didn't happen. Every childhood memory he has is now a lie. All the family vacation photo's he remembers are no longer in the album.. everything about his new life would be alien to him. I am calling bullshit on the fact that the family even live in the same house.. but I understand, movie stuff right..

It always bugged me that the writers slipped in that ending, I know we're not supposed to think about it like that.. it's supposed to be a good ending like he improved everything, but he really didn't..

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