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Cons: The pay off is a little weak and the stakes could have been higher.Pros: Holy shit this was well written. The setting, the characterization of the narrator, the tension, all of it was great. I've only worked in food retail for a bit and not in this bad of a situation, but the manager and punks were immediately recognizable. I'm really impressed just by how well this was put together. It was so easy to imagine myself in the freezing cold, shitty car, and dank sidewalk where the narrator is hacking up a lung (btw, nice using your experiences for a character ailment).Good work dude. One of your best to date.